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Why is it legal for human beings to be the commodity in a "family building" business of supply & demand? Why is it legal for adoption "professionals" and the general public to "advertise" or "market" for human beings on the internet or in general media? (Dear Birthmother letters, "profiles", etc.)
Think about it. The intentional solicitation of babies and children is not ethical. The money (billions per year) involved in the adoption "process" sets the entire "system" up for corruption. Someone is profiting. Why would our society rejoice in making MORE children "available" for adoption, rather than work to prevent its need?
As an adult adoptee it truly feels like we are simply commodities hastened to fill the needs of those who want to build a family, instead of our feelings and rights being respected, as those who lose our original identities, names, mothers, families, heritage, and place. The "closed records" concept is a violation of all that we are as human beings.
The movie "The Truman Show" is not a fantasy thriller, it is a true depiction of the lives of adoptees everywhere. He wakes up one day to find out the life he is living is a fabricated set-up, with actors and players, and he is the only one who was not aware or given the choice to be a part of the "set".
Adopted children have to adjust in order to survive. But once they become adults, the only way they can truly embrace their lives, their identities, their families - the only way they can truly love - is to become real. And unless they can know, grieve, exist, and truly produce in their God-given identity on this earth - they live forever frozen in a time warp of man-made reality without the freedom of existing in their own skin and humanness.
Adult adoptees - the ones no one wants to believe - are the true voices in adoption. Although "sealed records" in adoption attempts to silence us as "perpetual children" under the law, no amended birth certificate can erase truth.
Visit Write Mind Open Heart for more perspectives on the Dollars and $ense of Family Building and to add your own link to the blog hop by June 21, should you want to contribute your thoughts.
11 comments:
Imagine.... if adoption were against the law. Imagine how people would scramble, trying to make things work in a different way. Imagine all the childless couples who "just want to build a family" would have to find a way to deal, just like adult adoptees and their natural families today are forced to find a way to deal.
Thank you so much for this!! (((peach)))its so good to see you!
Kali
You make some really good points, especially about openness. Both in birth records and in a person's right to know his/her origins.
I'm glad you added your voice, Peach.
This is very well said. :-)
You are awesome.
And you are so right.
Good to see you posting, great post and my only quibble is that I don't beleive identity is god-given, a minor point for me but quite a large onefor others I suspect.
As an adoptee, this makes me sad. "Just want to build a family" more like "we may not be able to have a child, but we want a child to love, protect, and raise. A child who would otherwise stay in an orphanage or foster care" It's the kindest thing done.
Our birth mothers....DIDN'T WANT US. THREW US AWAY. Why would you ever want that person in your life? How ungrateful. My birth mother (who went on to have more children and a happy life, that I just didn't factor into apparently) found out she was sick, and wanted a relationship with me.
I laughed and told her to go to hell, I have a real mother, and my identity.
What's wrong with the rest of you?
*other than this post, I LOVE your blog*
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@ Abbey--What's "wrong" with us? We're adopted, and we've accepted the reality that we have mothers and two fathers. I don't have a relationship with either of my first parents, but that doesn't mean I don't carry their DNA.
Declaring loyalty to one set or another is like carrying out Solomon's judgment on yourself. Adoptees are expected to show our gratitude by chopping ourselves in half and throwing half away. Some of us have decided that price is too high.
I'm no more and less less grateful than anyone who got raised in a loving home. To believe I must be extra grateful is to believe I am defective, that I didn't deserve a living home.
Eesh, I really should proofread. I meant "two mothers and two fathers," "one set of parents of the other," and "no more and no less."
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