My NICU Heart

My son was born three months early (his due date was April 8th ~ (Passover), but he was born on Jan. 14th, and only weighed a pound...he's a miracle from God that I am astounded by every day. It was the hardest thing in the world to leave him at the hospital every night and not be able to hold him in my arms. To watch him lay there with tubes and wires coming out everywhere to help him breathe, eat, and grow...

He turned one month old on Valentine's Day 2005 and weighed barely 2 pounds. It was on that day that he contracted a severe staph infection in the hospital and fought for his life, literally. Needless to say, Valentine's Day will always have a new memory for us, but I thank God every day for fighting for my son's life and showing me what LOVE is all about. I'll never forget spending Valentine's evening sitting in the NICU waiting room while doctors fought to save my son's life. Watching delivery after delivery of flowers streaming through the hospital entrance as my husband and I sat in prayerful pained silence. It wasn't until two weeks later (and many transfusions and strong antibiotics) did Andrew's blood cultures finally come back "negative" for infection ~ the date was February 28, 2005 ~ the anniversary of my First Mother's death. All these dates completely amaze me. Passover (in the Old Testament) was when the Isrealites applied the blood of a lamb over the door of their homes, and death "passed over" them and they were protected. This reminds me of when my Mom went through a stem-cell transplant in 1998. We had a radio in her hospital room playing healing scriptures and songs the entire time, and the minute they started the stem-cell transfusion of blood after weeks of chemo, the song "There is Power in the Blood" happened to begin playing. Even though she was very groggy from pain meds, Mom immediately perked up and commented on the timing. It was as if God was reassuring us that Jesus' Blood, His stripes truly do hold all power and bring Healing. Just like the Isrealites found in the O.T.

I feel like God was speaking to me of His redemptive LOVE through this ordeal. The enemy of our souls fights LOVE, and seeks to destroy us. Satan sent this horrible staph infection on the actual day of Love, to steal from us. BUT GOD showed Himself so strong and faithful. On the day I grieve over the loss of my First Mother, God brought LIFE again, through the birth and healing of my precious son. Not even death can keep us from the Love of God, and He brings LIFE into the dead parts of us. His Love triumphed, yet again. Thank you, Jesus, that your mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.

Exactly a year later, God provided a new house for us. We happened to make an offer for our home on Andrew's 1st Birthday, and we closed on the house on February 14th! Who would have thought, a year earlier, as we sat in that waiting room, that God would bring us through AND provide everything we would need. I am in awe, and reminded that I have to keep trusting God as the journey continues.

MY NICU HEART

I came into the world a little early

enough to cause me pain

But HIS healing held me close

from my very first breath

Someday I may know why

but for now I'll have to wonder

why I had to start my life

with such a monumental struggle

But for now I will live my life

to the fullest every day

knowing that my NICU heart

will guide me all the way

You see there's something very special

that God has given me

something that puts a smile on

my mommy and daddy's face

and that something sets me free

My NICU Heart ~ God gave me there

the strong-willed strength to thrive

it makes me restless & persistent, and

so thankful I'm alive!

I want to climb and sing

and dance ~

and ask again for more

My NICU Heart

oh, how it makes me want to fly

to scale a mountaintop

to breathe in all that I can

to swim to the depths of the ocean

to run across the land

It's because My NICU heart

the one that God gave me

makes me fearless

and is the one that makes me ~ me

because I know how much it means

to run & jump ~ to laugh & smile

to know that every beat

has become a precious sound

though I was once so weak

My NICU heart as it beats in my chest

will always make me want God more

because of all that I've been through

I know that's what makes life worth living for.