April 13, 2011
The Tapestry of Life
For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. ~ Luke 8:17 ~
I've been hesitant to write this entry, simply because there is much I would like to express ~ so many layers. I truly don't know where to start, or end.
I thank God for teaching me that He is trustworthy. Yes, even this adoptee (whose name actually means "teachable") with major trust issues. I cried out and He has answered me, in so many ways. One way He has proven His love is through the miraculous birth of my son, six years ago. He was born in January, three months early, weighing only one pound.
A year after his birth, I was reading the Bible and happened to come across the story of the Passover in Exodus.
You see, when my son was born, we believed that the healing power of God's Word could infuse life in his frail body. Just like the Hebrew children in Exodus applied the blood over their doorposts, (hence, destruction "passed over" them) we put our faith in Jesus' blood to save our son.
My son, pay attention to what I say;
turn your ear to my Words.
Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;
for they are life to those who find them
and health to one’s whole body.
~ Proverbs 4:20-22 ~
It wasn't until a year later, and reading about this account in the book of Exodus did I notice that my son's birthday was the "14th day of the 1st month" ~ the same day the Israelites celebrated their deliverance from slavery & death. I felt like God was reassuring me (yet again) that He knew when my son would be born, and had Life for him.
My son's due date would have been April 8th. In today's calender, Jew's celebrate Passover in April. God KNEW I would need double-confirmation that it was truly Him who watched over my son's birth and deliverance. I write with overwhelming thankfulness and tears.
The day after my son's birth, I was sitting in the hospital bed with my Bible open, searching for comfort and strength. Amazingly I came across a scripture which gave just that.
"He will comfort you as a mother comforts her child".
~ Isaiah 66:13 ~
I was in despair, not being able to hold my son, feeling all those waves of relinquishment, loneliness, and abandonment wash over me ~ so distraught that my son was alone, without his mother, feeling the same emptiness I had become accustomed to, as an adoptee. BUT GOD spoke to me through that scripture.
He is able to comfort us just like our own mother would have, could have, should have. His comfort could fill that need for me, and for my son.
Adoptees, His banner over us is LOVE, and it covers us ~ from birth, through relinquishment, adoption, and search.
I found my natural family years ago and was surprised to find out that I came from a large Jewish clan. It has been amazing to find these roots and identify, finally, with my heritage. My son's heritage. God is truly about heritage and family. Even when families were separated (look at stories like Moses & Joseph) God brought reunion, reconciliation, truth, and miracles out of the pain people experienced. We have to believe.
"The Prince of Egypt" is the story of Moses and the complexities of his adoption, search, reunion, and destiny. It is my son's favorite movie right now, so I've had the privilege of watching it many times!
Here are just a few thoughts I could relate to in Moses' journey as an adoptee.
One poignant quote was when Moses was confronted with his true identity and he fled in fear. First, he ran back to Pharaoh's palace to surround himself with the only identity & familiarity he found comfort in. It took a lot for him to slowly "wake up" to his true identity as an Israelite and realize that the life he had lived was not his complete story. A distantly familiar lullaby finally helped him realize, "I did not see because I did not wish to see."
In the midst of this emotional upheaval, Moses' burned with anger (a very real component of grief) and killed an Egyptian man (his adoptive heritage) who was attacking an Israelite (his birth heritage). He couldn't forgive himself, and so he fled from it all into the desert.
There, God sent refreshing waters to revive him as he stripped off everything he thought he knew, and he met and married Zipora, who helped him "re-join the dance" and see the tapestry of his life "Through Heaven's Eyes".
How often adoptee's wander in a wilderness of isolation because fiercely ingrained loyalty issues quench and skew our true emotions, rather than being free to live in truth & authenticity?
Moses was led by God to return to his family of birth. He didn't cower from his "Exodus", even though it would have been easier to. He couldn't deny his identity and his heritage. It was who he was. Adoptees can't deny who we are.
God will reveal the hidden things, and set our people free of sealed records, amended identities, secrecy and shame. This time must come.
He split the sea right down the middle so Moses could lead his people to freedom. Adoptee's must cross over their dichotomy of adopted self versus authenticity in much the same way.