April 12, 2009

Easter: New Beginnings

© Photographer: Rofa | Agency: Dreamstime.com

(Originally published 4/12/09)

I was blessed to be able to eat lunch recently with my Uncle ~ my First Mother's brother. From the very beginning of our reunion, he has been such a wonderful encourager and strength to me. He was one of the first relatives to write me a long letter telling me all about my Mother and how she would have been so relieved to find me. It gave me chills to hear him describe her ~ kind of like reading about myself. For the first time in my life, I found where I "got" my personality and passions from.

I told my husband after lunch that the best word I can think of to describe how I feel when I spend time with my family of birth is "giddy". Like a young school-girl who feels pure joy deep inside over the littlest things. It seems to just bubble up and I ride this joyful fulfillment. Just connecting at a deep level with my flesh and blood ~ who knew how healing that would be. Amazing.

I know my place in a family tree now. And have had to unfreeze my cold, dead heart to who I am as a whole person ~ a slow process. Refusing to keep the wall of protection against further perceived rejection, and feeling the saddness and loss of my "relinquished" self, to unlock the myriad of feelings that make me who I am.

It wasn't until I walked through the valley of grief that felt as though it would swallow me alive, could I then truly connect with anyone. Myself, my adoptive family, and certainly my family of birth.

This Easter was such a joy to spend time with my A-Mom and appreciate her so much ~ the love she has for me, and for her grandson and my husband. I am so thankful for her and for the love that has weathered this reunion and has grown in both of us.

I shared the beautiful Guatamalen Easter Eggs that my Uncle and his friend painted and gave me, with her. My Uncle shared with us the tradition of painting the hollow eggs and then using colorful crepe paper to cover the ends, after filling them with shiny confetti and surprises. He said in Guatamala they crack the eggs over each others heads to celebrate Easter and the festival of life. What a great tradition!

It reminded me of how painful and joyful my whole "adoption" experience has been ~ just as the egg is broken, so my life was broken, but by going through the pain of "cracking" the secrets, the hiddenness, search and reunion reveals the beauty and and celebration of the truth hidden inside. Kind of like how the Roman soldiers tried to "seal" Jesus in the tomb, but it couldn't hold him. Sealed records will not hold adoptees either. Life always prevails in Truth.

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