Deal?

“What is the price of five sparrows...
two copper coins?

Yet God does not forget a single one. 
 So don’t be afraid...the very hairs on your head are all numbered.
 
You are more valuable to God
than a whole flock of sparrows."
Luke 12:6-7

(originally written in '09) 

Rushing out the door this morning to get my son to school, my hands were full.
It's been a rough few weeks and his separation anxiety looms.

Just like every other morning, I tucked my son into his car seat,
 and turned to lock the front door
(our driveway goes right up to the door,
where he never loses sight of me)...

when panic set in 

Terrified that he would be left alone,
my son grabbed on to me for dear life; 
 completely overcome by fear. 

 

Realizing he couldn't hear a word I was saying,
I finally just settled into his grasp, 
letting him know I wasn't going anywhere.
He calmed down enough to finally get his words out,
and this is what he screamed...

 

"Don't go...DEAL?"

 

"Deal!", I passionately reassured him.
With this, his little body finally relaxed.

 

Falling into the front seat of the car completely exhausted and in tears
...it hit me.

What a beautiful gift.

My precious son is teaching me...
to take the time
even when I feel rushed,
to really listen 
to my own needs and those I love...
no matter how long it takes.
 

Suddenly I felt a wave of comfort...
a flood of peace which had eluded me for weeks.

God's compassion towards us is even greater
than the overwhelming love we feel for our own children.   

When my son struggles, the last thing I feel is anger;
knowing he needs most my gentleness, closeness and mercy.
But how often I'm afraid that God is mad at me
for not being able to fully trust or surrender...
even when I truly want to. 

It breaks our hearts when we see our children suffer...
How much more must our Creator desire to deliver us.  

My Father gently reassures that even when I'm panicked
and not functioning at the level I wish I could...

when I'm fearful or living in numbness,
that He loves me and understands my needs.     

 

Lord, thank you for your mercy and love.
For teaching me so gently.
 

Thank you for holding me
 when I need your calming reassurance..."Deal?"