January 26, 2017

Never Lose Hope

It feels "as if" I'm dragging my body and mind through quick sand. 
Writing that sentence releases tears.  
Uncleverly avoided.  

2013 was hard. 
So was 2014, 2015, and 2016.  
I haven't written about many things because they are still too close to my heart to share.
So many losses. 

I don't know why, but emotional processing seems to take me forever.  
I go numb.  
And silent, as well.

I am working again, which is good.  And, in another area of passion - Special Education.  
I wonder, though, why I'm the calendar girl for all things misunderstood?  
It is very lonely.
Lord, please don't let me miss life in the midst of grief.   

My son gives me such joy.  He's the funniest boy on Earth.  
Every day he makes me laugh, and I tell myself I should write down the deeply profound lessons he teaches me, in his most unique and amazing way.  

It would bless many others, if I could just wake myself enough to share. 

Finally, I've been revisiting this blog, which I began writing in 2007.  
Ten years ago.  Mind blowing.

I noticed the history-revealing archive of photos saved to my computer...and thought, I'd share a few.   

In the Bible, when David got discouraged, he would encourage himself by recounting the miracles God performed.  
He was sure a scoundrel sometimes, just like the rest of us.  So human.  
But God Himself called David "a man after My own heart".  

Lord, teach us to love.  Like you love.  

Thank you for your mercies that are new every morning.  
Thank you for sustaining us through the wilderness of grief and loneliness and our humanity.      

Great is Your Faithfulness.  

Here's my one pound miracle boy.  Just for perspective.  And praise to God.
Twelve years ago.  
I couldn't bear to look at this picture for quite awhile.

"I will comfort you like a Mother comforts her child..." Isaiah 66:13

Finally, I got to hold him.  It was Heaven.

His very first entry....

"I was born early, but God helped me."

Lord, please help us all keep living and writing our parts.

We can do nothing without You.