I've been hesitant to write this entry, simply because there is much I would like to express ~ so many layers. I truly don't know where to start, or end.
To begin with, I PRAISE God for TEACHING me that He is trustworthy. Yes, even this adoptee with major trust issues. I cried out and He answered me, in so many ways. One way He has proven His love to me is through the miraculous birth of my son, six years ago. He was born on January 14th weighing only a pound, but was not due until April 8th.
A year after his birth, I was reading the Bible and happened to come across the story of the Passover in Exodus. It said that Passover was celebrated the "14th day of the first month" (my son's birthday!). It hit me like a hammer!
When my son was born we continually spoke God's Word over him, during the long hospital stay. We even put a tape in his incubator so healing scriptures would be playing for him 24/7. Although this adoptee was filled with fear, I asked God to please teach me to trust Him. We believed that the healing power of God's Word would infuse life in our son's frail body (Proverbs 4:20-23). Just like the Hebrew children in Exodus applied blood over their doorposts to be spared from destruction, (hence, evil "passed over" them ~ Passover) we put our faith in Jesus' blood to spare our son.
It wasn't until a year later, and reading about this account in the book of Exodus did I noticed that my son's birthday was the "14th day of the 1st month" ~ the same day the Isrealites celebrated their deliverance from slavery and death. I felt like God was telling me (yet again) that He knew when my son would be born, and had Life for him.
My son's due date would have been April 8th, and "WOW" is all I could say when I saw that in today's calender, Jew's celebrate Passover in April. Both dates were covered. God KNEW I would need double-confirmation that it was truly Him who planned my son's birth and deliverance. I write with overwhelming thankfulness and tears.
Adoptees, His banner over us is LOVE, and it covers us ~ from birth, through relinquishment, adoption, and search.
The day after my son's birth, I was sitting in my hospital bed with my Bible open, searching for comfort and strength. Amazingly I came across a scripture in Isaiah 66 which gave just that. It said "He will comfort you as a mother comforts her child". I was in despair, not being able to hold my son, feeling all those waves of relinquishment, loneliness, and abandonment wash over me in dread ~ so distraught that my son was alone, without his mother, feeling the same emptiness I had become accustomed to, as an adoptee. BUT GOD spoke to me through that scripture ~ He is able to comfort us just like our own mother would have, could have, should have. His comfort would fill that need for me, and for my son.
Moses was led by God to return to his family of birth (the Jews). He didn't cower from his "exodus", even though it would have been easier to. He couldn't deny his identity and his heritage. It was who he was. Adoptees can't deny who we are.
God will reveal the hidden things, and set our people free of sealed records, hidden identities, secrecy and shame.
I found my natural family years ago and was surprised to find out that I came from a huge Jewish clan. It has been amazing to find these roots and identify, finally, with my heritage. My son's heritage. God is truly about heritage and family. Even when families were separated (look at stories like Moses & Joseph) God brought reunion, reconciliation, truth, and miracles out of the pain people experienced. We just have to believe.
"The Prince of Egypt" is the story of Moses and the complexities of his adoption, search, reunion, and destiny. It is my son's favorite movie right now, so I've had the priviledge of watching it many times!
Here's just a few of the thoughts I could relate to in Moses' journey as an adoptee. One poignant quote from the movie was when Moses was confronted with his true identity and he fled in fear. He ran back to Pharoah's palace to surround himself with the only identity & familiarity he found comfort in. It took many days for him to slowly "wake up" to his true identity as an Isrealite and realize that the life he had lived was not his complete story. He finally realized, "I did not see because I did not wish to see." How often adoptee's wander in a desert of isolation because fiercely engrained loyalty issues quench or skew our emotions, rather than being free to live in true authenticity?
In the midst of this emotional upheaval, Moses' burned with anger (a very real component of grief) and killed an Egyptian man (his adoptive heritage) who was attacking an Isrealite (his birth heritage). He couldn't forgive himself, and so he fled from it all into the desert. There, God sent refreshing waters to revive him, and he met and married Zipora, who helped restore his trust in "The Tapestry of Life" ~ in himself and his destiny. THEN God gave him a burning bush experience and restored his lineage. It was in both families that Moses' destiny was found, and only after going back to his land of birth was his calling fulfilled.