September 26, 2010
September 20, 2010
September 18, 2010
September 15, 2010
Miracles, the Brain and Adoption
Miracles, the Brain and Adoption
Sally Maslansky
A miraculous story I recently saw on NBC's Today show has me thinking about the brain and what it means to be adopted. You may have seen or heard about this beautiful story. A pregnant couple, Kate and David Ogg, were in the hospital because Kate was giving birth to their twin boy and girl prematurely at 27 weeks. Shortly after delivery, the doctor let the mom and dad know their little girl, Emily was fine, but that their little boy, Jamie had died. The infant boy was brought into the couple for them to say their goodbyes. After two hours of holding their son, he opened his eyes -- alive!
In the Today interview, Kate spoke about holding Jamie skin-to-skin, calling him by name, stroking him and letting him know his twin sister was safe. She very movingly said:
...they come out of you and all of a sudden there isn't the warmth or the smell of their mother or the sound of her heartbeat and so putting him back on my chest was as close as he could have been to being inside of me where he was last safe.
I believe the key phrase here is "where he was last safe."
I am imagining how un-safe -- even traumatic -- an emergency, premature delivery would be for a child at 27 weeks. Taken from the dark warmth of his mother's womb and separated from his twin sister, entering the world via a brightly lit, cold, sterile smelling, noisy operating room. In just moments going from complete and familiar safety to the extreme conditions of an emergency operating room -- well, that certainly could feel threatening and dangerous.
It is interesting to wonder what part little infant Jamie's brain stem played in his ordeal. The brain stem, which is well developed at birth, helps to regulate heart and lungs. Certainly if the doctor had declared him dead, his heart and lungs must have appeared to not be operating. The brain stem also regulates aspects of our fight-flight-freeze response. A freeze response is stimulated in the face of extreme danger with the possibility of perceived death. It shuts the body down -- slowing the heartbeat and breath -- to help the body prepare for attack and death. Keeping the heart rate down will help to slow down any bleeding. From an evolutionary point of view, the brain stem serves to feign death because often a predator will not kill an already dead animal. Anyone who has ever seen a cat drop a dead mouse on the floor only to see the mouse quickly scurry away to safety has witnesses the brain stem's freeze response in action.
I do not believe it is out of the question to say that little infant Jamie's brain stem was protecting him from the trauma of his birth, sense of extreme danger and possibility of imminent death. This is what I believe his mother Kate may have intuitively been feeling when they brought her dead son into her -- just as she said on the Today show -- he needed to feel safe again.
Now, what does this all have to do with adoption? Recently I was with a group of adoptive families. Many had adopted their children well beyond birth and were discussing some of the wounds their children suffered as a result of living in orphanages or in the foster system. Some of the parents of children adopted at birth expressed that they did not believe their children had suffered any kind of trauma since they were present at their child's birth. My hope is that Kate and David Ogg's story of baby Jamie will help adoptive parents of all aged children recognize and honor the traumatic nature of any child being taken away from its mother at birth. I believe many adopted children long suffer the early trauma of this for years as many of their adoptive parents do not recognize such separation from their birth mother's as having any impact on their children. Adoption is a wonderful way to start and have a family. The more open and honest we as adoptive parents can be to the experience of our children before they became ours -- at any age -- the more emotional balance I believe they can have. To recognize that our children suffered this early trauma, to help them make sense of this early part of their life is a wonderful gift to give all adopted children.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sally-maslansky/miracles-the-brain-adopti_b_711215.html?ref=fb&src=sp#sb=968856,b=facebook
Sally Maslansky
A miraculous story I recently saw on NBC's Today show has me thinking about the brain and what it means to be adopted. You may have seen or heard about this beautiful story. A pregnant couple, Kate and David Ogg, were in the hospital because Kate was giving birth to their twin boy and girl prematurely at 27 weeks. Shortly after delivery, the doctor let the mom and dad know their little girl, Emily was fine, but that their little boy, Jamie had died. The infant boy was brought into the couple for them to say their goodbyes. After two hours of holding their son, he opened his eyes -- alive!
In the Today interview, Kate spoke about holding Jamie skin-to-skin, calling him by name, stroking him and letting him know his twin sister was safe. She very movingly said:
...they come out of you and all of a sudden there isn't the warmth or the smell of their mother or the sound of her heartbeat and so putting him back on my chest was as close as he could have been to being inside of me where he was last safe.
I believe the key phrase here is "where he was last safe."
I am imagining how un-safe -- even traumatic -- an emergency, premature delivery would be for a child at 27 weeks. Taken from the dark warmth of his mother's womb and separated from his twin sister, entering the world via a brightly lit, cold, sterile smelling, noisy operating room. In just moments going from complete and familiar safety to the extreme conditions of an emergency operating room -- well, that certainly could feel threatening and dangerous.
It is interesting to wonder what part little infant Jamie's brain stem played in his ordeal. The brain stem, which is well developed at birth, helps to regulate heart and lungs. Certainly if the doctor had declared him dead, his heart and lungs must have appeared to not be operating. The brain stem also regulates aspects of our fight-flight-freeze response. A freeze response is stimulated in the face of extreme danger with the possibility of perceived death. It shuts the body down -- slowing the heartbeat and breath -- to help the body prepare for attack and death. Keeping the heart rate down will help to slow down any bleeding. From an evolutionary point of view, the brain stem serves to feign death because often a predator will not kill an already dead animal. Anyone who has ever seen a cat drop a dead mouse on the floor only to see the mouse quickly scurry away to safety has witnesses the brain stem's freeze response in action.
I do not believe it is out of the question to say that little infant Jamie's brain stem was protecting him from the trauma of his birth, sense of extreme danger and possibility of imminent death. This is what I believe his mother Kate may have intuitively been feeling when they brought her dead son into her -- just as she said on the Today show -- he needed to feel safe again.
Now, what does this all have to do with adoption? Recently I was with a group of adoptive families. Many had adopted their children well beyond birth and were discussing some of the wounds their children suffered as a result of living in orphanages or in the foster system. Some of the parents of children adopted at birth expressed that they did not believe their children had suffered any kind of trauma since they were present at their child's birth. My hope is that Kate and David Ogg's story of baby Jamie will help adoptive parents of all aged children recognize and honor the traumatic nature of any child being taken away from its mother at birth. I believe many adopted children long suffer the early trauma of this for years as many of their adoptive parents do not recognize such separation from their birth mother's as having any impact on their children. Adoption is a wonderful way to start and have a family. The more open and honest we as adoptive parents can be to the experience of our children before they became ours -- at any age -- the more emotional balance I believe they can have. To recognize that our children suffered this early trauma, to help them make sense of this early part of their life is a wonderful gift to give all adopted children.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sally-maslansky/miracles-the-brain-adopti_b_711215.html?ref=fb&src=sp#sb=968856,b=facebook
September 11, 2010
"The Baby Scoop Era"
Today (9/11) would be my First Mother's 63rd Birthday. She passed away in 1980 from breast cancer while searching for the "son" she gave up for adoption 12 years earlier in 1968. She never got to hold me and was told I was a boy...one of "The Girls Who Went Away" whose stories are finally given voice by adult adoptee & author, Ann Fessler.
I write this blog just as much for her as I do for myself. I love you, Mom, and so wish you were here today.
Out of Compliance?
"Out of Compliance? ~ Implementing the Infant Adoption Awareness Act" policy report from The Guttmacher Institute is linked at "Once was Von" ~ an eye-opening discussion regarding "non-directive" pregnancy counseling and how "Infant Adoption Awareness Training", funded through large federal grants, may be blatantly out of compliance.
I actually attended one of these trainings several years ago as a social worker. This was at the very beginning of my journey to becoming a more integrated adult adoptee, and may be exactly what set me on the path to becoming more educated in adoption issues.
The training was geared towards any professional who works with young pregnant women in their every day job ~ nurses, social workers, even teachers. It was literally a "how to" in convincing these professionals the benefits of infant adoption and how they could effectively "present" this option to pregnant mothers. They offered those in authority roles over young pregnant women "tools" they could use to convince them that to be "true to themselves" means selflessly looking to the needs of her baby and realizing adoption is in the child's "best interest." Sound all too familiar?
What was even more interesting is that the facilitators also pointed out that some adoptees are speaking out about "open records". They even put up a slide of the "Bastard Nation" (an adoptee rights group) website and made the statement that these groups of adoptees are "not being true to themselves." THAT is when I knew I had to say something.
At the end of this training, a panel of birthmothers and adoptive mothers answered questions. Because the adoptee for the panel did not attend, I raised my hand and asked if I could share as an adult adoptee. The three facilitators met together in hushed whispers discussing the possibility of letting me speak. They finally decided to allow it, but escorted me to the microphone and stood around me like body guards (not kidding) until my shaking voice eeked out the few sentences I could muster. I simply told my story of adoption and reunion. The only thing I remember saying is "please don't tell me I'm not being 'true to myself' for wanting to know my origins'". Then I sat down and shook the rest of the afternoon. I was so exhausted by the end of that day.
September 9, 2010
Off and Running
...Finally sat down and watched this film last night with my husband. What an amazing documentary.
My favorite quote was from Avery's adoptive Mother..."She acts like she's been through some sort of trauma, but she hasn't..."
Isn't that typical of the attitude we adoptees face in all of society...from our families, friends, and even strangers.
No wonder we are misunderstood. Our "trauma" is not acknowledged, allowed, or validated. We live frozen lives.
Today was "Grandparent's Day" at my son's school. As I watched pictures & smiles being snapped all around, I stood at the one-way mirror of his classroom with the same subtle saddness I carry each day. Seeing the kid's doted on by BOTH sets of their grandparents, looking so much "like" them and surrounded by such love & support was heart-warming...and triggering for me & my son. Adoption doesn't stop at one generation. It is the "gift" that keeps on giving.
My Mom (adoptive) sits in a nursing home today, not able to navitage "Grandparent's Day" anymore. I'm so thankful she's still here. Today just reminded me of the saddness I feel that my First Mother isn't here. That my First Father wasn't there either. The "secrecy & shame" perpetuated by "sealed records" in adoption messes up even "good" reunions people miraculously experience. My First Father still feels the pain of having to be re-united with his own flesh and blood...it creates such complex and painful emotions (for both of us) ~ they color every contact, every moment relished in and spent together...so much so those moments seem much too few & far between.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)