September 9, 2010

Off and Running

...Finally sat down and watched this film last night with my husband. What an amazing documentary.
My favorite quote was from Avery's adoptive Mother..."She acts like she's been through some sort of trauma, but she hasn't..."

Isn't that typical of the attitude we adoptees face in all of society...from our families, friends, and even strangers.

No wonder we are misunderstood. Our "trauma" is not acknowledged, allowed, or validated. We live frozen lives.

Today was "Grandparent's Day" at my son's school. As I watched pictures & smiles being snapped all around, I stood at the one-way mirror of his classroom with the same subtle saddness I carry each day. Seeing the kid's doted on by BOTH sets of their grandparents, looking so much "like" them and surrounded by such love & support was heart-warming...and triggering for me & my son. Adoption doesn't stop at one generation. It is the "gift" that keeps on giving.

My Mom (adoptive) sits in a nursing home today, not able to navitage "Grandparent's Day" anymore. I'm so thankful she's still here. Today just reminded me of the saddness I feel that my First Mother isn't here. That my First Father wasn't there either. The "secrecy & shame" perpetuated by "sealed records" in adoption messes up even "good" reunions people miraculously experience. My First Father still feels the pain of having to be re-united with his own flesh and creates such complex and painful emotions (for both of us) ~ they color every contact, every moment relished in and spent much so those moments seem much too few & far between.


Linda said...

I have not watched this as of yet. I tend to have to amp myself up for anything adoption related.

I forgot it was "Grandparent's Day". Oh well....

Susie said...

I haven't heard of this film. I will have to look for it.

I was so mad when the girl said she just wanted to know who she is ~ and the mother KNOWING what was meant, replied "You are his sister, and..." Totally negating her desires to know who she is!! This infuriates me when adoptors believe that their children's lives began with them. To completely dismiss their first chapters, to dismiss their loss, their trauma left unacknowledged.

Von said...

"the gift that keeps on giving" right you are!

sostinkinhappy said...

(((Hugs))) for you, friend.