December 21, 2009

Oklahoma Couple Want to Return Troubled Adopted Son



Oklahoma Couple Want to Return Troubled Adopted Son to State
11-year-old is Violent Towards Other Children, Has Killed Animals and Runs Away Regularly, Parents Say

By RYAN OWENS and SUZAN CLARKE
Dec. 21, 2009
(click on the title of post above to be linked directly to this Good Morning America/ABC news segment/video)

Melissa and Tony Wescott are afraid of their son. They're so afraid of the boy they adopted that they're trying to have Oklahoma law changed so that they can return him to the state's care.

"He tried to burn our home down. The note said, 'I'm sorry you had to die,'" Melissa Wescott told "Good Morning America."

She said she and her husband have found butcher knives under his mattress and lights hidden in his bedroom.

The Wescotts' 11-year-old son has been locked up in a psychiatric hospital in Tulsa, Okla., for nearly a year. But now doctors say he's not a danger to himself or anyone else, and the boy is scheduled to be released from the hospital next month.

Despite the doctors' opinion, the Wescotts say they are so afraid of having him back home that Melissa plans to stay awake at nights while her husband sleeps.


Adopted Son Diagnosed with Several Mental Health Disorders
The trouble started shortly after the couple -- who couldn't have children of their own -- adopted the boy in 2007. His behavioral problems became so severe that he needed inpatient care.

Within a year of the adoption, the Wescotts told the Tulsa World, the child was diagnosed with reactive detachment disorder, disruptive behavior disorder, major depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome.

The parents said the boy became violent toward other children and nonresponsive to adults, hurt and killed animals and ran away regularly, requiring help from police.

So they're trying to return him to the care of the state's Department of Human Services, but the state says adoptive parents should be treated no different from birth parents.

Adoptive Parents Treated the Same as Biological Ones, State Says
"A parent is a parent," Karen Poteet, who runs the state's post-adoption program, said. "It doesn't matter where the child came from."

Poteet says all parents are warned that the children they are adopting were abused or neglected and that the symptoms of that treatment could manifest themselves years later.

Poteet, who adopted two sisters in 2001, knows that all too well.

"My children were abused from the moment of conception because their birth mother chose to drink the entire pregnancy. That's no fault of my children," she said.

But the Wescotts say their son needs more care than they can provide. They are afraid to let him back into their home. If they don't, though, they could face felony child abandonment charges.

"It's not like we are trying to return an itchy sweater," said Melissa Wescott, who said she loved her son "unequivocally."

She said she believes loving him means letting him go.

Poteet said the last thing adoptive children need is to be rejected by another family, although that's rare.

Groups Tries to Change Law
There are 11,0000 children in Oklahoma's adoption system. This year, only 13 adoptions have been dissolved -- an expensive and lengthy legal process that's similar to a divorce.

The Wescotts can't afford it, so they're trying to have the law changed.

The Wescotts are part of a group seeking changes in state law that would allow adoptive parents to return custody of foster children to the state in certain circumstances.

"If a family can show that they have exhausted every resource ... every opportunity they can ... to save their families and this is what they're left with, then I think they should have this as an option," said Tina Cox of the Adoptive Parent Support Group. "No one should be held hostage in their own homes."

Adoption Issues Being Studied by Task Force
A Oklahoma legislative task force is evaluating issues involving adoptions of children in state custody.

Advocates of changing the law say adoptive parents should not be punished if their children have major disabilities that were not known or disclosed ahead of time.

"We knew what we could handle and what we couldn't," Melissa Wescott said, adding that they requested a child who wasn't "violent or acting out sexually."

DHS disclosure documents call the child "well-behaved" and "polite and well mannered." He is described as "respectful toward authority" and "makes friends easily." The papers say he has no "significant behavioral problems which would be considered abnormal for a child his age."

Poteet said adopted children have to have people who will stand up for them.

"If we don't do it, who's going to do it?" she said.

Such a heated issue here, but the bottom line is one of disclosure or lack thereof. This couple was not given full disclosure of the child's issues and was even told it was "normal adjustment" when they approached DHS with concerns before finalization. The OK "Swift Adoption" program (the name alone raises concern) has more than doubled the number of children adopted because of the financial incentives offered by the federal government for each adoption finalized. This entire financially driven adoption system in America sets a climate for gross conflict of interest and unethical policies which fail to protect the very children it claims to serve.
Misdeeds can be hidden behind archaic "sealed records" statutes which fail to protect any party in adoption other than the industry itself, which happens to make up 95% of the task force which recommends the laws.
The adoption industry fails to acknowledge or provide adoptive parents with important books like "The Primal Wound" which explains the traumatic severing of a child's early bond with the mother and how it creates life-long issues. They want to pretend a child is either "normal" (will have no issues with being adopted), or completely "blame" the child's biological heritage or parents. This is abusive to all adoptees because it is a "black and white" approach to a very complex trauma and so disrespectful of the reality of an adoptee. DHS as well as every other adoption broker should be required by law to provide full disclosure of the documented research now available in neonatology and the life-long damage done to children by separation from their mothers; as well as damage done through "sealed records" laws which amend a child's very identity and reality without acknowledging how it affects the adoptee. Adoption is a business in human lives and the voices not heard in these "contracts" are the voices of adoptees.

20 comments:

Cricket said...

Just horrible..my heart weeps for the little boy.

It just solidifies the fear in the minds of adoptees that you CAN be sent back...I heard that from my amother once and never ever forgot it.

God. That poor child.

~ElenaKatherine

Lori said...

"She said she believes loving him means letting him go."

OMG! This is why I hate adotion they act like they are "trying to return an itchy sweater" and claiming to love the boy at the same time. Typical adoption BS line.

If they were the biological parents of the child, they would, (especially if they truly loved the child "unequivocally") be doing everything they could to get the child help.

Obviously, they bought a defective product and now want to return it.

And people actually wonder why First Mothers/Fathers are so negative about adoptive parents? This happens 4 out of 10 times!

That kid is never going to be right - thank you adoptive parents - because they were too lazy or to stupid to get him real help, even if it meant spending a little of their hard earned money getting him a decent placement in a clinic designed for helping him and then playing their part in helping him get well.

Anonymous said...

ross baltic affect denotes nationale spangenberg kofi bharuch trained border proof
semelokertes marchimundui

Tina said...

As na adoptive parent I am horrified by this. I'm sorry but that is their son - they don't get to dump him somewhere because he was not what the expected. People have children everday that come with birt defects or conditions their parents were not expecting. My cousin had two children with spina bifida - she didn't pawn them off on someone else. She buckled down to the hard work and constant financial strain of parenting not one but two special needs children. That's life folks - children do not come with money back guarantees no matter how they join your family.

Lori said...

Tina - I never thought I would say this to an adoptive parent - but.....

BRAVO!

Amanda said...

I am very disapointed in these parents.

What bothers me is the repercussions of the legislation they are trying to push. They want to have legislation passed so that they can have a loophole to return their son BECAUSE he's adopted. This creates a return policy clause in adoption law which is just another instance of law where adoptees are treated differently and viewed as more expendable than others.

Angelle said...

Well, whoa, this just means that if you want to adopt you had better find an infant so you don't inherit problems. (Read sarcasm.)

I bet there are PAPs out there who saw this and that what they thought.

Lori said...

Gee, now they have to face it - slavery - a returnable product! What next it will be ok to have a child that is not perfect euthenized?

Hirally said...

Like Tina as an AP I am horrified beyond belief. Left speechless and the commentary did not do any help in the symphaty department, none what so ever.

Poor child.

H

Hirally said...

I meant to write like Lori...sorry for the confusion Tina.

Anonymous said...

And of course, in (probably 99% of the cases), the first family isn't consulted in the "returning" goings on. Granted, if the first family is abusive or unstable, that's a different story, but if MY son was deemed a problem child and was to be returned, NO ONE would ask me if I wanted him back. Which should (in the case of a responsible first parent) should be the first talking point. I think, anyway.

Brian Wohlgemuth said...

Hmm....

As a parent of a son with Reactive Attachment Disorder (this was after he was diagnosed with most of the DSM-IV manual), I completely understand what they are doing. I don't necessarily agree with it (there should be a way of putting the kid in a long term residential facility instead of endangering this family).

We were only taken seriously after my son tried to run over his biological five year old brother with a lawnmower. Before that, it was "our parenting skills" or "his angst over his siblings". We were never prepared for RAD (let alone knew what it was). I have three other adopted kids in this household, and I'd like to ask how it would be possible to keep the others safe if my son developed the psychoses this child did. How high would the body count have to be before the state would do something?

Our son is home now (six months and counting) from his fourth long term hospitalization. He's having a rough time this holiday season (as he usually does) but that's just how life is for him. I'm thankful he's with us, but if his behaviors ever developed into something like this, he would have to go. I'm not about to risk three other children over his antics.

I'll also say these facilities leave much to be desired, especially with kids with RAD (the previous one had no idea what RAD was, let alone how to treat it). And law enforcement was just as useful (is RAD like ADHD?).

eng sara said...

شركات تسليك مجارى بالرياض
تنظيف وتسليك البيارات
كشف تسربات بالرياض
كشف تسرب الماء
كشف تسربات المياه في الرياض
عزل الخزان
عوازل الاسطح
شركات تنظيف خزانات المياه
العزل المائي
شركات العزل الحراري
كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
افضل شركة كشف تسربات
مؤسسة كشف تسرب المياه
اجهزة كشف الماء

eng sara said...

شركات تسليك مجارى بالرياض
تنظيف وتسليك البيارات
كشف تسربات بالرياض
كشف تسرب الماء
كشف تسربات المياه في الرياض
عزل الخزان
عوازل الاسطح
شركات تنظيف خزانات المياه
العزل المائي
شركات العزل الحراري
كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
افضل شركة كشف تسربات
مؤسسة كشف تسرب المياه
اجهزة كشف الماء

eng sara said...

شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
تخزين عفش بالرياض
نقل اثاث
شركات نقل عفش بالرياض
تغليف الاثاث
نقل عفش داخل الرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركات مكافحة القوارض
شركة ابادة الحشرات
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
مكافحة البق
مكافحة حشرات الفراش

eng sara said...

شركات مكافحة النمل الابيض بالرياض
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here

شركة عزل خزانات بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض

eng sara said...

شركة تخزين اثاث
شركة نقل اثاث الرياض
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
عزل مائي
شركة تخزين عفش بالرياض
شركة تنظيف اثاث بالرياض
شحن عفش داخل السعودية
شركات نقل وتغليف اثاث
شركة تنظيف واجهات زجاج بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بيوت شعر بالرياض
شركة ترميمات بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض

eng sara said...

شركة تخزين اثاث
شركة نقل اثاث الرياض
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
عزل مائي
شركة تخزين عفش بالرياض
شركة تنظيف اثاث بالرياض
شحن عفش داخل السعودية
شركات نقل وتغليف اثاث
شركة تنظيف واجهات زجاج بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بيوت شعر بالرياض
شركة ترميمات بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض

Anonymous said...

I'm beyond frustrated with the the women who state their hearts bleed for these children. I adopted a child through DHS and we were NOT given even a portion of the information about her background. My husband and I are both husbands are both therspists so we knew every avenue to obtain treatment and the RIGHT kind of treatment. We had been hit, bit, kicked, pinched, had knives pulled on us...and on and on. AS our daughter reached adolescensce her behavior become worse and she refussed to take medication to stabilize her mood. We would find it hidden all over the house. She was a master at manipulation and continues to be as a young adult. We were able to form a bond with her around age 10 due to us knowing specialists who could treat RAD and PTSD. If you get a therapist to treat your child with no experience it is far worse than going to an incompetent doctor. You will have a very hard time getting your adopted child to return or engage in any type of therapy as they already dislike the process. We were blessed that we had several good years with our daughter and know that we will have some more as she gets older and has agreed to getting therapy and medication due to her ongoing problems with personal relationships. I feel for the parents who don't have the knowledge or resources we had for our daughter. Believe me..DHS isn't going to help. In fact, once you have adopted one of their children they run for the hills!! I strongly believe if it is in the best interest of the child and parent (many children tell you afterward they didn't want to be adopted and will make your entire family's life a living hell) that a child should be put back into the foster care system or a group home until they age out. They have lived much of their lives as adults and the attempts to treat them as a child is a no win situation. So please all of you that have ZERO experience with adopting a special needs (emotional needs) child please keep out of it..you don't have a clue. If you have had foster children instead of THERAPEUTIC foster children with severe emotional needs you STILL don't have a clue. I personally would sign a law allowing the families to return them to DHS and let them foot the bill for endless hospital stays, therapy sessions, counseling for your other children since they will need it after the trauma. It's time we as a country should be able to sue DHS for information they leave out in order to try and get these children placed and it ends up being a disaster for all involved. My daughter is MY DAUGHTER and I love her in spite of all we have been through with her. But I must stress we had a large support network or friends who were therapists, case managers, hospital workers, etc. WE had a church who was acutely aware of her behaviors and instead of ostracizing us for being "bad parents" they helped us in anyway they could do so. Some of our friends who adopted weren't even close to being to lucky. God helps those who help themselves and more often than not these children in DHS custody don't want the help or to even be adopted but they are put on a list to be adopted anyway. DHS knows it will be a nightmare but what do they care...they have laws protecting them from having these severly troubled children returned to their care until they are indeed ready. Come up with a law to allow adoptive parents to return these children to a system that failed them miserably in the first place. I have oodles of friends ready to sign!!!!

roba gad said...


https://decor-ksa.com/villas-homes-window/
https://decor-ksa.com/windows-iron/
http://mchaabaty.com/luxurious/
http://mchaabaty.com/red-bricks/
http://mchaabaty.com/factory/
http://mchaabaty.com/new/
http://mchaabaty.com/marble/