June 1, 2007

My Biggest and Baddest

© Photographer: Beckyabell | Agency: Dreamstime.com
Pet-Peeve: When others "touched" by adoption (or not) use black and white language and overly simplistic rationalization to "explain" why they view some adoptees as "angry and bitter" - because they supposedly had a "bad experience" in adoption - SO NOT TRUE.

Adoptees can have a truly wonderful experience and family, or just a downright "NORMAL" (whatever that is) family environment - AND STILL NEED TO GRIEVE their losses in adoption. Adoption is based on LOSS - no matter how badly some people want to ignore it. LOSS is LOSS.

Truely healthy individuals will not ignore or deny this reality. To become whole, it must be validated, acknowledged, and greived - there is a continual onslaught of those who try to quiet and marginalize adoptees who face reality in this world of adoption.


petunia said...


I am not trying to argue but I just don't feel that I had a loss. I feel I had a gain. My biomom still has a loss to grieve because she remembers me but I really have never felt the loss some adoptees talk about.

Gershom said...

That is soooooo true peach! SOOO TRUE!!! Thank you for saying it so clear, because i have a pet peeve with it too!

What gets me also is when the "happy adoptees" try to discredit those who have felt loss, in order to validate themselves. They make it harder for the ones who do experience pain consciously. They work against us, and thats just ridiculous. Adoptees need to unite and honor eachother whereever each of us are and not work against eachother. If someone doesn't feel loss, fine, but don't try and make it harder by calling the ones who do, bad. They have every right to be bitter and angry.