June 18, 2007

~ Ebb & Flow ~

Man in waves
© Photographer: Mvaligursky | Agency: Dreamstime.com

Not all "adoption" is bad, per se. I realize that there are babies and children without their Mothers, and need to be raised in a loving home. What needs to change is the "business" aspect, the "marketing & advertisements", the amended birth certificates, and the sealing of records. That would "clean up" adoption and possibly send it on a much healthier road for the future.

What is bad, however, is the fact that adoption has evolved into a "business." No child should be the "product"of a business.

I once heard a very wise First Mom say that every adoptee can both "love their adoption, and hate their relinquishment". This at the same time? YES. It is EVEN possible for an adopted person to both grieve and also embrace parts of their own relinquishment and adoption.
It is not black & white.

I've found that in order for me to truly embrace my life and family as an adoptee, and not just live out of my "false" self (which refused to explore the entire spectrum of emotion), that I had to find the courage and audacity to search for not only my biological family, but also who "I" was/am in THAT context.

Adoptees many times grow up not being validated, (and go in to "hiding") because adoption is "Celebrated" for the new family created, without allowing for the child's experience and reality. "Sealed records" follows us into adulthood and sometimes to the grave, with this very same message ~ "Don't focus on the loss ~ Focus on the gains ~ Ignore the entire part of yourself that you must "hide" from in order to avoid creating waves ~

WAVES ARE GOOD ~ LOOK AT THE OCEAN ~ The ebb and flow is what DEFINES Life ~ Not allowing adoptees the freedom and validation in their journey to wholeness ~ is like telling a wave of the sea to only flow one direction.

Waves can crash and hurt ~ they can move mountains ~ they are essential for Life as we know it on the Earth.
Without allowing an adoptee the freedom to experience the full range of their identity, grief, joy, and emotions, Life is forfeited.

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