June 10, 2007
Big Fat Wish
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....to be able to mind-read what others are thinking. I know some would say that it would create more harm than good. But right now, I would LOVE that ability. Just to REALLY know what my natural family is thinking. My adoptive family too. My "reunion" is off the charts good compared to most. But then things happen that make me question and wonder, and hurt. Right now I'm hurt and angry at my natural father. And upset over a statement I made which could very well be completely misconstrued, but not intended at all. So I'm mad that it all has to be so complicated, and can't just be easy. I feel accepted, but not as accepted as I would like to feel. Then again, I see "their" relationships with each other in my natural family, and they aren't even near perfect either. So many things to ponder in reunion land.....when it gets real. I guess I'm thankful it got to this point - being real. Before "real" is hard, and after "real" it's hard(er). Knowing who I am, who I could have been - with all the losses and changes forever etched and even restored never the same. All because of the word "adoption."
Yes, I wish I could read minds, at least for today.