Last night I told my fellow cast mates for the Listen To Your Mother/OKC show that I still can't visual doing this today. My voice and legs shook even at the read-through. At one time I thought it was important to share our stories of adoption~search~reunion so that others might "get it". What I've found is that the only ones who truly understand are those who have lived it.
And even then, we don't fully understand ourselves or our place.
We love but we hold back. As my friend, Joe Soll says, we get "street lamped".
(We can feel rejection from a street lamp - it's that easy).
So it's no wonder I've written and re-written this story a hundred times. I still don't know if it is the one that needs to be told. But it is the story of one adoptee. Two Mothers. Whom I love very much.
I feel like my story is not written with the same eloquence or writing skill of these other wonderful women in this show. My Mom passed away last November and I'm still walking around in a daze.
I got a call from a gracious 70 year old adoptee named Mike this week, still searching for his family. He, and the other adoptees, first Mothers, adoptive Mothers, and families are why I am doing this. We are all on a journey, and all at different places. My own feelings and thoughts have changed a million times over my life-time as an adoptee. But I'm so thankful for those touched by adoption that I have been blessed to meet and now call my friends. They are the ones who have helped me find the courage to do this.
Thank God for the friends He has put in my life. Even still, I feel lonely. But last night a beautiful friend and I ran around town still searching for the right shoes. It was fun, and I'm so thankful she will be there today. Thank you, Mom, for teaching me the importance of friendship.
This morning, I woke up early and opened my Bible to seek solace.
My eyes immediately landed on this verse.
"Listen to Me, all who remain. I have cared for you since you were born, even before you were born.
I will be your God throughout your lifetime ~ until your hair is white with age. I made you and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you." Is. 46:3
Lord, please help me hear your voice...and listen.
Bless Listen To Your Mother today in OKC and in all the other cities.
Thank you for the voices of Motherhood...and your whispers of Love.