March 7, 2012
© Photographer: Tyback | Agency: Dreamstime.com
Why is it so important to know where you come from and who you are?
For the same reason it was important for Moses to know...so he could embrace his dual identity and fulfill his destiny. You don't know where you are going, until you know where you've been. It is true.
“When Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his own people."
Adoptees are arrested in emotional development because, not only is our true identity hidden from us, but we are also asked to fulfill an identity that is not truly ours. We shut down that part of ourselves that is disenfranchised by society to "become" who we are "adopted" to be ~ a false persona. What we really need is permission to be the person we are, but don't yet know. Even when we find our truth, it takes years to unthaw, grieve, and assimilate our origins and identity.
Then, and only then, can we begin to develop on an entirely new level towards wholeness ~ but it is a process.
I was embraced by my family of birth, but couldn't receive their love because I was still operating in a false persona, as a people-pleaser to gain approval, not able to receive or give (to others or myself) genuine acceptance or relationship. My relationship with God was also on this level. It wasn't until I opened my heart and allowed myself to grieve, that God has been able to break through this "heart of stone" and give me a real heart, a heart of flesh. And what a beautiful mess!
"Do not turn away from your own flesh and blood ~ THEN you will be healed."
What I'm learning now is that even after the intense journey of reunion, with family and with self, and feeling like Pinocchio ~ "Wow, I'm a real person" ~ I realize, even more, my deep need for a real Father who never leaves, and patiently teaches me His love and faithfulness (even in the midst of my unfaithfulness). No earthly relationship is enough. Humans are humans. They disappoint and leave us empty inside, a void that can only be filled by the Lover of our souls.
Jesus' own birth was shrouded in questions and controversy. He became flesh so he could identify with all humanity. John 7:5 says, "...for even his own brothers did not believe Him." Mark 3:21 ~ "His family said, 'he's out of his mind' and tried to take him away..." Jesus was rejected & abandoned. Even we rejected him, yet "while we were yet sinners, he died for us"...to give us life. Hope. Love.That.Never.Fails.
When Jesus rose from the dead, he made a special point to comfort those He loved who had hurt him the most, and needed His reassurance ~ Peter, who denied him three times, and many others. Mary Magdalene, whose life story was one of "manifested grief" and yet she was delivered. She appears in Jesus' very genealogical family line!
Then He went to James, his brother, who mocked him, yet later went on to write the book of James as a believer. As an adoptee, I resonate strongly with this statement in I Corinthians 15:8 ~ "Last of all, as if I had been born at the wrong time, I also saw Him."
During women's Bible study today, the leaders prayed over each of us, draping us in prayer shawls of different colors. As loving hands wrapped a beautiful silky red cloth firmly around my shoulders, a motherly voice whispered into my ear, "Beloved, you were born of royal blood...a daughter of God." Tears flowed yet again ~ another wave of healing.
All earthly blood lines fail us, whether we are brought up in them or not. They are only there to show us who we are, and who we are not. To point us to the only One who can fill the canyon in our soul. Perfect.Love. No matter how far we've been thrown, or run on our own ~ His Love pursues, awakens and heals. Our identity and worth is only secure in our Creator.
"Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, “Live!”"
Labels: God and adoption