August 28, 2011
As adoptee's, knowing our identity is a crucial first step toward healing...as well as acknowledging the wound of abandonment.
Reunion can be a key factor in all of this...but what I've found is this:
After the "honeymoon", and the journey of integration...finding the answers to "Who am I?"...I've realized my place in the family of my birth (even after 20 years into "reunion") can never be completely restored...the years of separation coupled with the shame and myths which cloak "adoption" twists minds and hearts.
Relationships are marred.
It is both a blessing and a curse finding your birth family in the same town in which you live and grew up. I am surrounded by "family", but feel alone.
It feels horrible that I can't think of one family member as an "emergency contact" for my son at school, where he is struggling also. How could I, when we don't spend adequate time together to really know each other enough for Andrew to feel comfortable?
I de-activated my Face Book account because I am tired of putting on a "smiling face" like everything's ok, when I see family & friends living their daily lives with the support of "normal" family relationships.
I don't think adoptee's ever escape completely the feeling of being "neither here nor there."
Through tears, I've even questioned God's love.
It dawned on me, though, after running from Him, that His heart was hurting too.
He's the only One who loves perfectly.
His acceptance is not based on our performance, and for that I'm thankful...especially when I feel discouraged.
New Living Translation (NLT)
Do not turn your back on me.
Do not reject your servant in anger.
You have always been my helper.
Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
O God of my salvation!
Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord will hold me close.
Teach me how to live, O Lord.
Lead me along the right path,
for my enemies are waiting for me.
Labels: God and adoption