November 23, 2009

Who is speaking here?

Dog listening with ear up
© Photographer: Willeecole | Agency:

You know those days when you don't really know how to begin or take everything in...this whole week has been one of those. Just things. Emotions catching up after events and moments.

I got to eat lunch with a cousin in my birth family who was actually adopted into the family in the 60's, when I was adopted out. Whoa. We had never really connected or got to know each other at the beginning of my reunion. It was really something to get to sit and talk and feel that connection of "being adopted"...but with an ironic twist of family ties. She was warm and sweet and we had a great time.
But goodness.

What I really wanted to write about tonight are two comments made to me this week that have really impacted by my son, and one by my birth father.

It was GREAT seeing my father tonight and spending time with him at the miniature golf course. We had such a good time. When we were leaving he made a quick statement, so quick I almost missed it with the hulabalub of hugs and goodbyes going on between all of us. It wasn't until later tonight did it hit me, the impact of his statement. He said, "Thank you for being a good daughter." I'm almost speechless, just sitting here shaking my head and fighting back tears. To be able to hear this from my father who I was separated from since birth. But am blessed to have had a beautiful reunion with.

I'm emotional today for other reasons too. My beloved Pastor passed away this morning. I remember writing a letter to several pastors years ago asking sincere questions as a new believer. He was the only one who took the time to write me back personally, and I still remember how special that was to me. I could feel the love and compassion in that letter as he genuinely cared about my questions. He really displayed God's Love.

So hearing these words tonight from my father have really affected me. Emotionally.

They reminded me of the other statement my son made a few days ago. We were driving somewhere in the car and I was trying to get him to drink his Pediasure. I'm always trying to get him to eat or drink Pediasure to put on weight, you see. Anyway, I'm used to this and was expecting his usual response, of "No Mom, I don't want to". I don't know what made me try a new approach, instead of using my usual tactic of trying to convince him of the benefits of drinking it ~ "it will make you strong", etc. Instead, I just said, "But I want you to", not really expecting a great response to that one (lol). Was I blown away, when his immediate and unquestioning reaction was "OK!", as he drank away! I just sat there amazed. I didn't have to convince, or argue, or threaten, or plead.

I have felt like God is trying to teach me through these little moments and statements...I so want HIM to be able to say to me, "Thank you for being a good daughter". What an amazing statement to hear from my Heavenly Father. I so want to learn obedience, and not continue to go my own way, whether out of fear, fatigue, or distraction. He is teaching me so much about His unconditional Love, that my desire is to trust Him more.

Wouldn't it be a different world if our obedience to God when He said, "But I want you to" was as immediate and unquestioning as my son's response was to me. Lord, please help me. Give me your grace to obey.

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