I've been hesitant to write this entry, simply because there is much I would like to express ~ so many layers. I truly don't know where to start, or end.
To begin with, I have to give PRAISE to God for TEACHING me that He is trustworthy. Yes, even this adoptee with major trust issues. I cried out and He answered me, in so many ways. One way He has proven His love to me is through the miraculous birth of my son, four years ago. He was born on January 14th weighing only a pound, but was not due until April 8th. A year after his birth, I was reading the Bible and happened to come across the story of the Passover in Exodus. It said that Passover was celebrated the "14th day of the first month" (my son's birthday!). It hit me like a hammer!
You see, when my son was born my husband and I took Proverbs to heart, where it says "God's Word is life and health to all our flesh". So we continually spoke God's Word over our son, during the long NICU stay. We even put a tape in his incubator so healing scriptures would be playing for him 24/7. I have to be honest ~ I was filled with fear. But I asked God to TEACH me to trust Him, and when you see God perform a true miracle (for YOU), it is hard to refute that His Word is true. We believed that the healing power of God's Word would infuse life in our son's frail body. Just like the Hebrew children in Exodus applied blood over their doorposts to be spared from destruction, (hence, evil "passed over" them ~ Passover) we put our faith in Jesus' healing to spare our son.
It wasn't until a year later, and reading about this account in the book of Exodus did I noticed that my son's birthday was the "14th day of the 1st month" ~ the same day the Isrealites celebrated their deliverance from slavery and death. I felt like God was telling me (yet again) that He knew when my son would be born, and had Life for him.
Today (April 8th) would have been my son's due date that year, and "WOW" is all I could say when I saw that today is the day (in our calender) that Jews celebrate Passover. Both dates were covered. God KNEW I would need double-confirmation that it was truly Him who planned my son's birth and deliverance. I write with overwhelming thankfulness and tears. Adoptees, His banner over us is LOVE, and it covers us ~ from birth, through relinquishment, adoption, and search.
The day after my son's birth, I was sitting in my hospital bed with my Bible open, searching for comfort and strength. Amazingly I came across a scripture in Isaiah 66 which gave just that. It said "He will comfort you as a mother comforts her child". I was in despair, not being able to hold my son, feeling all those waves of relinquishment, loneliness, and abandonment wash over me in dread ~ so distraught that my son was alone, without his mother, feeling the same emptiness I had become accustomed to, as an adoptee. BUT GOD spoke to me through that scripture ~ He is able to comfort us just like our own mother would have, could have, should have. His comfort would fill that need for me, and for my son.
Moses was led by God to return to his family of birth (the Jews). He didn't cower from his "exodus", even though it would have been easier to. He couldn't deny his identity and his heritage. It was who he was. Adoptees can't deny who we are. God will reveal the hidden things, and set our people free of sealed records, hidden identities, secrecy and shame.
I found my natural family years ago and was surprised to find out that I came from a huge Jewish clan. It has been amazing to find these roots and identify, finally, with my heritage. My son's heritage. God is truly about heritage and family. Even when families were separated (look at stories like Moses & Joseph) God brought reunion, reconciliation, truth, and miracles out of the pain people experienced. We just have to believe.