September 1, 2008
I flipped on the TV tonight and happened to hear a short "round-table" discussion after the Republican National Convention. In it, Cokie Roberts was "discussing" the "SCANDAL" regarding Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, and the fact she is 5-months pregnant, and (Hush, Hush) ~ an unwed, pregnant teen. Cokie ended her discussion by saying that she "hoped the American people will have 'SYMPATHY' for Bristol and the entire Palin clan."
I'm sorry, but I thought you had 'SYMPATHY' for people when a loved one dies or is in a horrible accident or gets sick...not a new life coming into the world. But that is EXACTLY what adoptees end up "tuning out" all the time. How horrible, gastly, terrible, life-destroying it is to be "unplanned". And sometimes "unwanted." It feels as if we are a huge inconvenience, and possibly even the biggest SHAME our families could ever experience, destroying their lives forever...what a way to be "welcomed" onto planet Earth. No wonder adoptees are forever apologizing for our own existance.
To make matters worse, we not only experience THAT, but then the trauma of having our entire heritage, family, identity, and existance CHANGED or AMENDED on OUR "Certificate of Live Birth" to a FALSE IDENTITY (anyone see the movie "Truman" ~ it's very real for adoptees), be legally transferred (in a financial transaction) to a family who is willing to pay big bucks to "get a child" (at almost any cost) ~ all this to be LEGITIMIZED and given WORTH, at the cost of losing who we were actually born as. Our true identities forever "sealed". Our entire existance is based on shame and fraud. No wonder we create false-selves in order to survive. All because of a billion-dollar industry of adoption which treats humans as commodities in a supply and demand based "business"; an industry which uses shame and coercion to convince young, vulnerable mothers into "heroic" acts of gifting their children to "more deserving" couples (customers).
Our entire lifetime is spent adapting, and then enduring society's myths about adoption, hearing examples in current political talk (from both parties) regarding LIFE, ABORTION, ADOPTION, UNPLANNED PREGNANCIES, and how HORRIFIC it all is. When inside, we are the grown voices of those little babies who are just crying out for acknowledgement, joy, acceptance and love by our OWN Mothers and families and society. Actually, Sarah Palin's statement was like hearing music to this adoptee's ears, and what I SO WISH every baby could experience, no matter the events surrounding conception ~ "Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We're proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents," Sarah and Todd Palin said in the brief statement.
"Bristol and the young man she will marry are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of our entire family," they added.
Yes, most of us are GLAD we weren't aborted, but we sure aren't glad that we had to fulfill a brand new identity and role that we weren't born into, in order for our existance to be celebrated. We are inwardly crying over "Gotcha Days" and "Birthdays" and "sealed records" and all this talk of how sad it is that our Mothers got pregnant. In a truly compassionate, humane society, there would be no need for abortion OR adoption ~ because Mothers & babies would be respected and celebrated ~ no matter what their age or issue. At the point of conception, a miracle has taken place. A miracle shouldn't be something to send a "sympathy" note over, should it? All the "sex-education" debates should be replaced with the "sacredness of the mother-child bond" education in our society ~ THAT might be the KEY to HOPE for our society as a whole.
Labels: adoptee issues