March 30, 2009

Children Best Raised in Their Own Environment


Children best raised in their own environment, charity says
Story Highlights
Save the Children spokesman: Children should be raised by extended family
Celebrities, groups best help children by supporting their communities, he says

Madonna is trying to adopt a girl from Malawi

(CNN) -- Madonna is in Malawi this week attempting to adopt a second child from the African nation. A judge ruled Monday that she will have to wait until Friday to learn a decision.

In the meantime, a children's group is saying that she should not adopt and that the child would be better off in her own country. Madonna has brushed off questions from reporters, saying it is "none of their business."

CNN's Kiran Chetry, spoke with Dominic Nutt, the spokesman for Save the Children UK, Monday on "American Morning."

Chetry: You heard Madonna ... say it's no one's business. Over the weekend, you came out, though, and urged Madonna to rethink this adoption. What is your biggest concern?

Nutt: Well, our biggest concern is that we believe that in the most -- in the majority of cases, orphans, so-called orphans, in fact [are] not orphans -- they have at least one parent living -- and even those that don't, have a wider family that can look after them. And we believe that children in poverty should be best looked after by their own people in their own environment. And that people like Madonna and organizations like Save the Children are best off helping those families by building schools and supporting them to look after these so-called orphans and not transporting them to live across the world in mansions, in pop stars' mansions, that sort of thing. Watch charity explain position on international adoptions »

Chetry: Now, Madonna also is doing both, I guess you could say, because she founded that organization, Raising Malawi, right, back in 2006, did a documentary as well, trying to bring attention and money to the plight of the children there.

Nutt: Well, absolutely right. So she's obviously accepted the logic of the Save the Children argument, it's help children on the ground. If you really do love a child and you want the child to do well, then help them in their own world.

Now, look ... something like 10 million children a year die across the world because of poverty before the age of 5. You cannot possibly help all those children by moving them.

amFIX: Your thoughts on whether Madonna should adopt

So, what we're saying clearly is not that Madonna is wrong or families and parents or want-to-be parents who do go for international adoption are wrong. But it must be a last resort.

They must make sure there is no family network to support them, and if they don't help that child, that child is in peril. The life of that child is in peril. Otherwise ... you are better off supporting that child in its own environment.

Chetry: All right, well, here's what a couple of people who actually live there say. One of them is a resident of ... Malawi, who said, "We're poor people. If a child's mother dies, it's hard for the man to bring the child up." He's saying that because apparently in this situation, the child she's trying to adopt, Mercy James, both -- neither parent [is] living, according to our report.

And then I want you to hear also from the Law Commission of Malawi, one member of it, and what he said about this adoption. Let's listen.

Unidentified male: If you project 20 years from now, where will the child be if the child is left in the orphanage where it is, or if it gets a chance to get an education with Madonna.

Chetry: The figures also from UNICEF show that for every 1,000 births in Malawi, 120 children die. The life expectancy in that country is only 44 years old. And most children over the age of 10 do not attend school. So, wouldn't life be better for some of these children who have no living parents, who would at least be in another country where their basic needs could be met and they could get a decent education?

Nutt: Well, would it not be better to solve the problems of Malawi and help Malawians solve their own problems by educating their children and feeding their children and helping their children so they can get off that cycle of poverty? Not just literally transporting the whole population of Malawi.

If we are concerned about the population of Malawi being in a very difficult situation, we can't transport them all to Queens in New York or to Kensington in London to make that difference. The difference has to be made on the ground. Otherwise, we really are shuffling the deck chairs on the deck of the Titanic.

Chetry: All right, well, they're not necessarily mutually exclusive. So, the question that I have is: Is your issue really with Madonna? I mean, you mentioned celebrity and living in mansions. But what about just ... some middle-class ... working people who are unable to have children themselves and would like to try to help out a child in need overseas. Are you against that type of adoption?

Nutt: No, no. All I'm saying is that it's definitely a last resort. Because I know the pain of trying to have a child. I've been trying, my wife, for years, and we just got lucky four weeks ago. But I know that heartache and that lack of being able to bring up a child in a loving environment.

But we know from our case studies in working in Liberian orphanages that in many cases, these children are [picked] off the Internet, without much research going on, and sometimes it doesn't work out, and the children can be sent back to their own country. And all that has happened is that that child's life has been messed around with.

So, of course, it's difficult. And I wish I could give you an easy answer and offer you a magic wand, but if you challenge poverty on the ground in these countries, you can in the end do very well by these children. Save the Children's been doing it for 90 years across the world, and it's making a difference.

... You say it's not mutually exclusive, of course, but you can bet your bottom dollar that by investing in children, you'll get a much bigger impact and better outcome than by taking one or two children here and there as a matter of willy-nilly choice.

Chetry: All right, Dominic Nutt, spokesman for Save the Children UK, thank you for your point of view this morning. And we also want to let people know that we did reach out to Madonna's spokeswoman. So far, we're just getting "No comment."

Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa/03/30/nutt.qanda/index.html

March 28, 2009

Mugged by Our Genes?

Baby Climbing Strand of DNA
© Photographer: Aliencat | Agency: Dreamstime.com
Mugged By Our Genes?
March 24, 2009
BY SANDRA AAMODT AND SAM WANG

Last Monday, Nicholas Hughes, son of poets Ted Hughes and Sylvia
Plath, killed himself. His mother was one of the world’s most famous
suicides, and news stories have mentioned the tendency of suicide and
depression to run in families. But this tragic inheritance is just
part of a more complex story in which our lives are shaped by genes,
environment — and unexpected connections between the two.

Much more than depression is partly inherited. Here’s a weirder fact:
the genes you get from your parents partly determine your risk of
being mugged. So do genes dictate our fate? Of course not — but they
do have a say in who we become.

We tend to think of the environment as something that just happens to
us, but in fact animals actively seek out surroundings that are
compatible with their genetic predispositions. Teenagers in the chess
club choose to be exposed to different influences from their hockey-
player counterparts. Such differences don’t even have to be voluntary:
tall kids may be picked more often for the basketball team and end up
better at the game because they have more opportunities to develop
their skills.

Certain people are much more likely than others to be exposed to
stressful life experiences, including specific traumas like car
accidents, industrial injuries or being a crime victim. Some of this
variation is traceable to genetics.

Psychiatric geneticists have formalized this idea by studying
“heritability,” the amount of the variation within a population that
can be explained by genetic differences between individuals. Identical
twins are more likely to both experience a variety of life events than
fraternal twins, who, like siblings of different ages, share only half
their genes. About one-fourth of the variation in life experiences —
from strictness of parents to difficulties with friends — can be
traced to genetic origins. This finding emerges from dozens of
studies.

People whose identical twins are alcoholic — whether or not they
themselves have any substance abuse problems — are more likely to have
been robbed or gotten in trouble with the law than people whose
fraternal twin is alcoholic. It’s easy to imagine that someone who is
impulsive and prone to addiction would be more likely to get into bar
fights than someone who has neither of those characteristics.

In other words, people with similar personalities seek out similar
experience and may take similar risks. For example, if you are the
type of person who seeks out excitement, you might be more inclined to
walk through shady neighborhoods — placing you at greater risk of
being mugged.

What connects our genetic inheritance to environmental experiences?
Most likely it is personality, which is known to depend on genes. In
one study, three common measures of personality — extraversion,
neuroticism and openness to experience — were enough to explain the
entire heritability of some life events. In general, neurotic people
are more likely to experience negative life events, while extraverted
people are more likely to experience positive and controllable life
events.

So some of the effects that we call “genetic” (or “nature”) are the
indirect result of people being drawn to particular environments
because of their personality. Or to put it another way, some
“environmental” (or “nurture”) effects are actually attributable to
genetic tendencies.

This seeming paradox underscores the point that the “genes versus
environment” debate is asking the wrong question. It is said that
parents of one child believe that upbringing determines personality,
but parents with two children believe in genetic tendencies. The
evidence points to something more complex: genetic predispositions
interact with circumstances to produce unique individuals.

Now, back to Nicholas Hughes. Major depression arises from a vicious
cycle between genes and environment. Let’s start with genetics: a
particular gene influences the sensitivity of individuals to bad
experiences. One famous paper demonstrated a complex interaction
between the serotonin transporter gene and negative events. (The gene
encodes a protein that removes the neurotransmitter serotonin from the
synapse after a neuron releases it. The action of this protein is
inhibited by antidepressants like Prozac.) People with two copies of
the high-risk variant of the gene are likely to develop depression in
response to multiple stressful experiences like divorce or assault,
but they are fine if their environment remains benign.

In contrast, people with two copies of the low-risk form of the gene
are resilient against depression, even when they experience
environmental stressors. People with one copy of each variant fall
somewhere in between, as you might expect.

Genes that predispose people to depression, though, also influence
their risk of experiencing negative environmental events. In one
study, women whose identical twin suffered from depression were
significantly more likely to have been assaulted, lost a job,
divorced, or had a serious illness or major financial problems than
people whose fraternal twin was depressed. (It’s not known which genes
are responsible for this effect.) These bad events did not occur
because the women were depressed, as the correlations persisted even
when women who were currently depressed were excluded from the study.
Thus, genes can act on the same disorder by making people more
sensitive to stressful environmental events and by making these events
more likely to occur.

The interaction between genetic tendencies and life experiences may
explain another puzzling finding: the heritability of many
psychological traits — from intelligence to anxiety — increases as
people mature. This result seems odd at first glance, since genes are
most important in brain development in babies and children. But
children also have less control over their environment than adults. As
people get older, they become more able to determine their own
circumstances, and they may be able to choose environments that
reinforce their natural personality tendencies. Apparently those of us
who suspect we are turning into our parents as we get older may have a
valid point.

After all this, you may wonder if your genes are ultimately to blame
for your fortunes, good or ill. That’s hardly the case: only one-
fourth of the variation in life events is heritable, which means that
three-fourths is not. So you have plenty of opportunity to influence
your circumstances. Whether that’s better than turning into your
parents, we’ll leave to your judgment.

March 27, 2009

Uh-Oh


There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.

He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.

He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target.

Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner.

As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.

Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the
head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved!

In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister
watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch the next day Grandma said, 'Sally, let's wash the dishes'

But Sally said, 'Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to! help in the kitchen.'

Then she whispered to him, 'Remember the duck?'

So Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and
Grandma said, 'I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.'

Sally just smiled and said, 'Well that's all right because Johnny told me he
wanted to help'

She whispered again, 'Remember the duck?' So Sally went fishing and Johnny
stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sallys; he finally
couldn't stand it any longer.

He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, ' Sweetheart, I know. You see,
I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love
you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a
slave of you.'

Thought for the day and every day thereafter?

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done... And the devil keeps
throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits,
hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) ..whatever it is...You need to know that
God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.

He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that
you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a
slave of you.

The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness;

He not only forgives you, but He forgets.
It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved.

Go ahead and make the difference in someone's life today.

Share this with a friend and always remember:

God is at the window!

When Jesus died on the cross; he was thinking of you!

March 26, 2009

Legislature Honors Miss Oklahoma


http://www.tulsatoday.com/newsdesk/index.php?option=com_content
Legislature honors Miss Oklahoma
By Staff Report
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
The State Legislature honored Miss Oklahoma 2008 Kelsey Cartwright this week. During her reign, Cartwright has been traveling around the state and nation promoting her platform of open adoption to nontraditional families. She got the idea from her father’s experience in attempting to learn about his adoption. Oklahoma currently has closed adoption laws and has placed legal barriers in the path of those wanting information about their adoption.
Cartwright was selected Miss Oklahoma at the 36th annual scholarship pageant at Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, Oklahoma last year. The then 20-year-old sophomore dance management major at Oklahoma City University won the preliminary swimsuit competition.

In the talent portion of the competition she performed a lyrical dance to “I Want You to Need Me”. Cartwright qualified for the state competition by winning the Miss Keystone Lake pageant. One of 42 contestants in the Miss Oklahoma pageant, she received a $16,000 scholarship and a new car. She then went on to compete in the Miss America pageant in Las Vegas, Nevada in January.

“We are so proud of Kelsey, and were delighted to have her at the Capitol and get to congratulate her and thank her for being such an outstanding representative for our state,” said Rep. Earl Sears, R-Bartlesville who also represents Cartwright’s hometown of Collinsville. “She is a great role model for all ages, and she’s going to help so many Oklahomans who want to learn more about their adoption.”
When introduced in the Senate, Cartwright talked about traveling around the state visiting schools.

“It’s been an incredible experience being Miss Oklahoma,” said Cartwright. “Our youth and students are on such a great path. They’ve got huge goals and high ambitions. I’m proud to say that I’m able to represent them. I get to talk about setting goals and making good choices, and hopefully just be a phenomenal role model for them. That’s what I love to do. I think I have the best job in the entire world.”

Collinsville Mayor Stan Sallee, Kelsey Cartwright, Sen Randy Brodgon“I’ve had the opportunity to spend some time with Miss Cartwright, and I can tell you she is a fine lady that represents the state of Oklahoma extremely well. She is a tremendous young lady who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside,” said Brogdon, R-Owasso. “We were so pleased to get to honor her and wish her all the best during her reign and in her future endeavors.”

The Miss America Organization is one of the nation’s leading achievement programs and the world’s largest provider of scholarship assistance for young women. The Kiwanis Club of Tulsa has sponsored the Miss Oklahoma Scholarship Pageant for 33 years, during which they have awarded over $40 million in cash and tuition scholarships to young Oklahoma women.

Cartwright, a junior at Oklahoma City University, has been dancing since she was two years old, and she plans on opening a studio after her graduation in 2011.

Kelsey is a member of the prestigious American Spirit Dance Company at OCU and dances in the Christmas and Spring shows every year. Also chosen as a “Line Captain,” she was trusted as leader of over 50 students her age. She was also 1 of 27 members chosen to go on tour and exhibit the esteemed dance program at Oklahoma City University. Before her OCU experience Kelsey trained at Attitudes Dance Studio in her hometown of Collinsville, Oklahoma and got her hands on numerous championship trophies. She was chosen as the “Senior Dancer of the Year” at Rainbow National Competition and the “Oklahoma Dancer of the Year” at Talent Explosion Dance Competition. The Tremaine Dance Convention also provided Kelsey with scholarships that allowed her to study with them in their tour throughout the U.S.

She put herself through all “Advanced Placement” classes in high school and was able to come out of it as the 2006 Salutatorian of her class. She was the secretary of the National Honor Society as well, and put a lot of her time in high school into community service projects through NHS and Student Council. As a freshman at OCU she was inducted into the Phi Eta Sigma honor society and still holds an office. Also playing a large part in her college life was her sorority, Alpha Phi, where Kelsey held the office of “Director of New Member Development.” She worked to ensure that active members maintained a strong understanding of Alpha Phi’s morals and codes of conduct.

Going into the Miss Oklahoma Pageant with three other Alpha Phi sisters, Kelsey remained confident despite the fact that she was a first-time rookie. She had competed in 11 local pageants before she captured a local title and in February 2008 she won her first preliminary as Miss Keystone Lake. Even with little time to prepare for the Miss Oklahoma Pageant, she walked away with a Swimsuit preliminary award, Rookie of the Year, the Brooke E. Hailey scholarship, and the title of Miss Oklahoma 2008, proving that no matter the circumstance, dreams can come true!

Because Kelsey’s father was adopted, they were never able to embrace their family history or have access to their medical records because Oklahoma has a closed record policy. She and her father immediately began working to have the adoption file opened and once she realized the impact it made on her father she knew she wanted all adoptees to have the same opportunity. Kelsey has made this her platform and aids in the effort to change Oklahoma’s laws. In the meantime, she encourages all individuals to embrace their heritage and family history because its one of the only things that truly belongs to you. Kelsey hopes that she can touch the lives of many throughout her year of service.

March 23, 2009

Egypt says adoptive moms were human smugglers


http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/03/23/egypt.adoption.trial/index.html

Egypt says adoptive moms were human smugglers
By Tim Lister and Mary Rogers
CNN
CAIRO, Egypt (CNN) -- Suzanne Hagelof and Iris Botros dreamed of adopting babies. Separately, they visited orphanages in Egypt. Hagelof adopted a child, and Botros was in the process of adopting twins, when they ran foul of authorities. Now they are in jail, accused of being part of a conspiracy to traffic children.

Last week, the two women were led into a Cairo courtroom in handcuffs, along with six other people. They stood in a big black cage in the courtroom, looking apprehensive amid the hubbub.

To their defenders, all they were trying to do was provide orphans with a better chance in life. To the prosecution, they were involved in forging documents to try to adopt children illegally and smuggle them out of the country.

The accused include two doctors, a nun who ran an orphanage, and two Americans. Watch the women get bundled into court »

A year ago, Hagelof, a U.S. citizen who lives in Egypt with her husband, adopted a child from an orphanage run by the Coptic Christian Church, a religious minority in Egypt. She says no money changed hands.

Several months later, Luis Andros, a U.S. citizen who is originally from Greece, and his wife, Iris Botros, left their restaurant business in North Carolina for Egypt. Botros, who is originally from Egypt, visited another orphanage run by the church. She paid the orphanage about $4,600 for the twins -- partly for clothes and partly as a donation.

Both women wanted to take the children to the United States -- in Hagelof's case for a visit, but in Botros' case to begin a new life in Wake Forest, North Carolina. And that's where the trouble began.

To get a visa for the children, both women went to the U.S. Embassy in Cairo. According to their attorneys, the documents they presented included birth certificates and certificates signed by doctors stating they were the natural mothers.

According to defense attorneys, the two women knew they were using forged documents.

Embassy officials became suspicious of the documents -- partly because the women seemed too old to be the mothers. Both Hagelof and Botros are in their mid- to late forties.

The embassy contacted Egyptian authorities, and both couples were arrested soon afterward; so were two doctors who had written the birth certificates for the three children. Neither the U.S. Embassy nor the U.S. State Department will comment on the case, citing the ongoing trial.

The three children are now at a private, nonreligious orphanage in Cairo.

Botros' husband, Andros, blames the embassy for their plight. Asked through the bars of the courtroom cage what had happened, he replied, "Well, our American Embassy, instead of helping the people, they put them in jail."

His wife interjected, insisting they would not get a fair trial. A few feet away, Suzanne Hagelof called out, "We want to tell our story," while her husband, Medhat, looked on, quiet and dejected. As reporters tried to talk to the defendants, a guard intervened, shouting "Sit down, sit down."

Adoption has long been illegal under Egyptian law as well as being forbidden under sharia, Muslim religious law. Fostering is legal but uncommon.

It has become a high-profile issue since Suzanne Mubarak, wife of the president, embarked on a campaign to stamp out human trafficking. She recently told CNN that human trafficking "exists in all societies."

"I came to realize what an insidious crime this was and how it was just really built on profit. On not only low morals, on no morals at all," she said.

And that's how the prosecution seems to be framing this case, using a law passed last year that provides for tough penalties for human trafficking. Khalil Adil El Hamani, the attorney representing Hagelof, says Egyptian authorities want to prove that all the defendants are from one gang and are trafficking children, so as to make the case seem to be a giant conspiracy.

Both couples insist they had no idea what they were doing was illegal and have no link with human trafficking. The attorney representing Botros and her husband says their only crime was to dream of being parents.

"They are now are in jail because of this dream," he told CNN after the first hearing in the case a week ago. "They never thought that they will be in jail. They thought that they are going to adopt only. They didn't think they are making something against the law in Egypt."

All eight defendants remain in jail -- the men at the Tora prison in Cairo, well known for its overcrowding. The next stage of the trial takes place May 16, and proceedings could last six to eight months. If they are convicted, the accused could each face up to 10 years in prison.

Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/03/23/egypt.adoption.trial/index.html

March 21, 2009

Being an Unperson

Watch the whole video to get the full message of this beautiful woman with autism. It brought me to tears, and in so many ways, most of us can relate to being an "unperson".

March 12, 2009

Adoptee Rights Day

"No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States..." (14th Amendment to the Constitution)
Once upon a time, women and slaves were excluded from constitutional protections, now only adoptees and first families are. It's time for a change!

March 11, 2009

Coffee and rose
© Photographer: Nikitu | Agency: Dreamstime.com
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked,
'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

GMA To Follow Family In Reunion



Following up on adoption scam, 'Good Morning America' will chronicle FdL
family's trip to Western Somoa

Frequent flyer miles donated so adopted girl can see her biological family

BY SHARON ROZNIK
The Reporter

An Appleton woman's donation of frequent flyer miles will reunite a Fond du Lac
girl with her biological family.

The story of 8-year-old Jayden, daughter of Patti Sawyer, will be followed by a
crew from "Good Morning America" when she returns to her homeland of Western
Samoa this summer for the first time after leaving in February 2005.

"I was just floored," Sawyer said. "Never in my wildest dreams did I think this
would happen."

The offer from the anonymous donor came after the Sawyer family's story
involving an adoption scam appeared recently on the national morning show. It
was also featured on The Reporter's March 2 front page.

Jayden was among 37 Samoan children who were placed with adoptive families in
the U.S. by an international agency, Focus on Children. The agency told Samoan
families that their children would be educated in America, correspond through
e-mails and phones calls, return home for visits, and come home for good when
they reached age 18.

Patti Sawyer and the other adoptive parents were unaware of the agency's
deception. The Fond du Lac teacher was alerted to the situation about a year
after the adoption by government officials from three federal agencies, she
said.
"I knew it was really serious when I got the call,' sawyer recalled.

Last month, resolution came when a federal judge in Salt Lake City, Utah
convicted 4 persons involved with the adoption agency, Focus on Children, and
the Samoan government deemed the adoptions legal.

The judge also ruled that the convicted set up a trust fund to help the Samoan
children keep in touch with their birth families.

Sawyer said she is the only parent she knows of, so far, who has chosen to bring
both families together. Some, she said, believed they were entering into a
closed adoption. Others fear losing their children. One father has returned his
adopted daughter to her biological family.

"I wanted to travel to Samoa so Jayden can visit with her family, and we could
expand ours. I think of this as a fantastic opportunity to connect two families
who live across the world," she said.

Sawyer was unable to afford the travel fare until the Appleton woman offered
frequent flyer miles she had earned on her credit card. She also told Sawyer she
would pay for expenses and counseling for Jayden.

"She is an adopted child herself, and I asked her to come along, so she could
see the good she was doing. She agreed to the trip the second time we visit
Samoa," Sawyer said.

Sawyer said she was contacted by representatives from both GMA and ABC's
Nightline.

"They will be flying to Samoa with us and documenting the reuniting of Jayden
with her biological family," she confirmed.

"Sunshine"


Director takes personal story of unplanned pregnancy to SXSW
By Charles Ealy
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Karen Skloss says she never meant to tell her own story when she started making her new documentary, "Sunshine," which will have its world premiere Saturday at the South by Southwest Film Conference and Festival.

"I wanted to deal creatively with my experiences," Skloss says over a recent coffee at Progress Coffee in East Austin, "but I initially wanted the documentary to be about the evolution of people's notions of the nuclear family, and to show that what's happened isn't all bad."

As time went on, however, Skloss realized her own story kept creeping into the documentary, so she gave in and decided to address broader social changes by making her movie personal.

It was a good decision, leading to a poignant meditation on unplanned pregnancy that contrasts the choices of two Texas mothers at two different times in history, including Skloss herself.

Although the documentary goes back and forth in time and artfully reveals tidbits as the story progresses, the rough chronology is as follows:

Skloss was born in Austin 33 years ago at the Home of the Holy Infancy, more commonly known as Marywood, near the University of Texas. The Catholic institution is where women went when they became pregnant and decided to go ahead and have the baby and put it up for adoption.

That's what happened to Skloss' birth mother, then known as Mary Williams, a UT student who was the daughter of a prominent Victoria family headed by Kemper Williams Jr., a longtime mayor.

Raised in the Catholic faith, the young woman decided to keep her pregnancy a secret from her parents and took up residence at Marywood, at 510 W. 26th St., to prepare for the birth and eventual adoption.

Fast-forward 23 years, and Skloss, who was adopted and raised in a middle-class family by Jerry and Patricia Skloss, is studying at UT, where she'll earn her master's degree in studio art and video. Just like her birth mother in the 1970s, she discovers that she, too, is pregnant and single.

"I used to look down on people in my position," Skloss says, "And why was that?"

Those kinds of questions are gradually answered as Skloss turns the camera on her contemporaries, such as those participating in the "Radical Mother's Voice" show on KOOP-FM in Austin, and on her forebears — her birth family in Victoria.

As the documentary explains, Skloss, unlike some children born at Marywood, eventually discovered her birth mother's identity.

When Skloss was 19, she says, she was riding her bicycle to the university and decided to stop at Marywood, which was on the way. "Out of curiosity, I went in and asked if there was any communication in my file," Skloss says. "And about two weeks later, I was notified that my mother had written me when I was 15 and that the letter had been sitting there, waiting for me, for four years."

The letter was simple but heartfelt, Skloss says. "She was torn up about her choice and wanted to know that things had turned out well."

After getting the letter, Skloss contacted her mother and began building a relationship, with the blessing of her adoptive parents.

And when Skloss discovered that she was pregnant four years after reading the letter, "Mary was the first one I called," she says.

At the time, Skloss says, she felt trapped by the pregnancy. But when she finally made the decision to go ahead and raise the child, whom she would name Jasmine, she said it began to feel "empowering," mainly because she had the option to do so.

It also helped that Jasmine's birth father agreed to split the parental duties with Skloss and help raise the child.

The father was also a university student, and he explains in the documentary that the turning point in their relationship came when he and Skloss agreed not to end up in court, fighting about finances and visitations.

He still participates in Jasmine's parenting today.

The most emotionally wrenching parts of "Sunshine," however, deal with Skloss' visits with her birth family in Victoria.

The South Texas town remains staunchly conservative, with Confederate flags featured in the stained-glass windows of a local Catholic church.

And Kemper Williams Jr., Skloss' birth grandfather, is one of the biggest conservatives in town. The former mayor uses such phrases such as "The People's Republic of Austin," and, during his days as a talk-radio host, made Hillary Rodham Clinton one of his favorite targets of derision.

When on camera, Williams is more than willing to express his viewpoints on politics, but he gets noticeably quieter — or changes the subject — when questioned directly about the family situation when Skloss was born in Austin.

Skloss' mother, meanwhile, also is reluctant to be entirely forthcoming about the past, at least on camera.

"There was the general idea of 'Can't we just keep private things private?' " Skloss says, when she first told the Williams family about the documentary.

But in "Sunshine," Skloss and her birth mother eventually go back to Marywood and discuss the events surrounding her birth.

Both the birth grandmother and the adoptive grandparents also attend a tap recital featuring Jasmine, who is now 10. "I think that was a special moment," Skloss says, "having both of the grandmothers there for the recital."

Throughout it all, Skloss never betrays any anger or resentment about her birth family. Quite the contrary, she seems to be grateful.

"I didn't have a hard time getting Kemper to agree to talk to me on camera about some things," Skloss says. "He is used to expressing his viewpoints, and I think he was kind of proud of me that I had raised the money to make a documentary."

(Skloss received grants to make "Sunshine" from the Independent Television Service and KUHT-TV in Houston.)

Her birth mother also came to view the documentary as a "cathartic letting-go of guilt," Skloss says.

"There was a generosity on their part," Skloss says. "They just wanted to help me. That was a great gift."

And as Skloss says in her documentary, society is gradually becoming more accepting of single parents — and broadening the notion of family.

"I'd never want to turn back the clock," she says. "Would you?"

cealy@statesman.com; 445-3931
Find this article at:
http://www.austin360.com/movies/content/movies/stories/2009/03/0312coffee.html

March 10, 2009

All-Around Support...

All-around support
Group encourages people touched by adoption

March 4, 2009

By KATHY MILLEN kmillen@scn1.com
Jody Moreen was a 21-year-old college student in Chicago when long-repressed
emotions typically experienced by people who are adopted began to churn inside
her.

Her adoptive parents, with whom she shared a close, loving relationship, were
retiring to Florida. To her surprise, she fell into a deep depression as she
faced what she felt was a profound loss.

Her extreme reaction was the result of unresolved issues relating to her
adoption. It wasn't until she gave herself permission to grieve her parents'
move and come to terms with her adoption that she began to turn her life around.

Now she is trying to help others in similar circumstances do the same. Ten years
ago, Moreen, 54, started Adoptees, Birth Parent & Adoptive Parents Together, a
support and encouragement group for adults whose lives have been touched by
adoption.

Monthly meetings, held at Calvary Church in Naperville, offer emotional support,
adoption education and fellowship in an effort to help people deal with the
complex feelings that come with adoption. Some 350 adoptees, birth parents and
adoptive parents, ranging in age from late teens to 70s, have attended meetings
throughout the decade. During that time, they have gotten a better understanding
of themselves and one another.

Moreen said she knows the value of talking about feelings. She attended her
first adoptee support group meeting in Ohio almost 15 years ago and joined
another after she and her husband and children moved to Indianapolis. Unable to
find a similar group after moving to Naperville 11 years ago, she started one of
her own at Faith Evangelical Covenant Church in Wheaton before moving it to
Calvary Church in 2007. She found it liberating to find others who understood
what she was feeling.

"We talk about unresolved grief and loss," said Moreen, who was adopted at 9
months. "A lot of times, new loss will trigger unresolved issues, and your
reaction to the current loss is exaggerated because you have underlying
unresolved feelings about the first loss."

Those feelings can crop up at any time. Amy (who prefers her last name not be
published) felt those feelings rush in after she gave birth to her son. Her love
for him made her wonder how her birth mother could have parted with her.

"It was like a switch turned on that I had to process feelings that I didn't
realize I hadn't dealt with," said Amy, 39, of Downers Grove.

Because hers was a closed adoption, Moreen and her adoptive parents had been
given little information about her birth family, a common practice years ago. At
the time, unwed mothers often were quietly sent away to have their child, then
encouraged to place the baby for adoption. Adopted children were kept in the
dark about the circumstances of their birth.

As a result, adoptees are left wondering who their birth parents are and why
they didn't keep them. They don't know their ethnicity, medical history and how
many other relatives they have. Those adopted from foreign countries also grieve
the loss of their ethnic culture.

In an effort to fill in the blanks, many adoptees search for their birth family.
Several members of the adoption group have done so, with varied results,

"I would say, a lot of it was questions and the huge, bigger-than-life mystery
of who were these people, this ghost family," Moreen said. "It was always in the
back of your mind. ... This is a courageous journey, and there's no guarantee
what you might find on the other side. There may be a closed door."

Sometimes the door opens from the other side.

Amy's birth mother contacted her about six years ago. At the time, she wasn't
ready to establish a relationship with her. But a few years later, her
half-brother, who also had been adopted, found her. That led to her first
meeting with her birth mother two years ago. She also met another brother.

During that time she turned to the group for support.

"Truly, what helped me soften my heart toward her was being in Jody's group,"
she said. "It's not just adoptees, because it's open to all. You really get the
full perspective of everybody involved and you quickly realize that, for most
birth parents, this was a rip-your-heart-out-of-your-chest decision and, more
often than not, wholeheartedly in the best interest of their children."



Catherine Baez of Romeoville knows that feeling. She was 17 when she gave birth
to a daughter in 1970. She reluctantly took the advice of others and placed the
child for adoption.

She ended up marrying the baby's father three years later and had two more
children. But the couple never forgot their first child. Baez often fell into a
depression near her daughter's birthday. She wondered where she was, who she was
with, if she was happy or even if she was still alive. It felt like her daughter
was a soldier missing in action, she said.

"We both went through emotional trauma afterward," said Baez, 55. "He didn't
know how to console me, and I didn't know how to console myself."

Seven years ago, the couple located their daughter, who was living in another
state. Thirty-two years old at the time, she was married and the mother of two
children. They were overjoyed and continue to stay in periodic contact. However,
her daughter has not told her adoptive parents for fear of hurting them.

Despite the reunion, the sadness never completely goes away, Baez said. To help
them cope, she and her husband have regularly attended the adoption support
group meetings for the past three years.

Moreen said group members can be an important resource for those seeking a
reunion. She located members of her own birth family several years ago. By that
time, both biological parents were deceased, but she met three older sisters
with whom she stays in periodic contact (one has since died) and has attended
family events. The reunion, she said, has brought her a sense of peace and a
chance to know herself better.

"For an adoptee, I can't tell you what that's like to see your physical traits
mirrored in other people," she said.

"It was a healing process for me. I saw where I inherited those traits and where
they came from. That's part of our identity."

March 9, 2009

Mother & Long-Lost Son Reunited...



Mother and long-lost son reunited ... after a lifetime spent living just 20 miles apart

11th September 2008

A mother and her long-lost son have finally been reunited after 62 years - only to find they had been living just 20 miles apart.
Audrey Gilder, 80, had not seen her eldest son Alf Belcher since she was forced to put him up for adoption in 1946 when she became pregnant out of wedlock.
Alf was sent to a children's home and was later adopted. Audrey - who later married his father - never thought she would see him again.
But on her diamond wedding anniversary she received 'the best present money could buy' - a phone call out of the blue from her son.
Mr Belcher, now 62, had never given up hope of a reunion and had spent his entire adult life wondering where his mother was.
Today, she told how she had been forced to give up her son and how they had been tearfully reunited.
The retired factory worker of Peterborough, Cambs - now a great-grandmother - said: 'He rang the doorbell and I just knew he was my son, because he was the image of my brother, Peter.
'I had given up hoping this would happen. I'd missed him so desperately all these years.'
'When I told my mum I had fallen pregnant she would not let me keep him. She ruled the roost in those days, and what she said went.'
She added: 'Alf has now met his dad and siblings as well. It's just wonderful. There's so much to catch up on.
'So this was the best anniversary present ever.'
Her parents forced her to give up her son for adoption
Lorry driver Mr Belcher, who lives in nearby Alconbury, Cambs, said: 'It's staggering to think how close we were.
'The odds are we were in the same shop, at the same time, and we probably walked past each other.'



Audrey became pregnant as an 18-year-old when she lived with her parents in the village of Abbot's Ripton, Cambs.
But her middle-class parents frowned upon the pregnancy, and Audrey was sent away in disgrace to a nearby maternity home until her son - whom she named Philip - was born in 1948.
Philip was sent to a children's home, put up for adoption against her wishes and renamed by his new 'parents'.
Audrey married his father Mark Gilder, now 87, two years after his birth and the couple moved to Peterborough, Cambs, to begin a new life together.
Philip was later adopted by a couple in their 50s in Huntingdon, Cambs, about 20 miles from Peterborough, and was renamed Alf.
He spent his childhood within a 20-mile radius of Peterborough, and finally settled in Alconbury in 2006.
Mr Belcher never knew the names of his real parents until he obtained a copy of his own birth certificate in 2006 and decided to track them down.
With the help of his partner Stephanie Fletcher, 50, he scoured the telephone books, spoke to residents, and eventually found someone who knew his mother's address.
And on June 23 he met his biological parents for the first time.


(*Loss: The extended family Mr. Belcher lost when he was adopted)

Now Mr Belcher, himself a father-of-two with ten grandchildren, has a new extended family - two sisters Tina, 57, Lynn, 58, as well as a late brother Edwin who committed suicide at the age of 17, in 1982.
He said: 'I didn't have the easiest of childhoods. My adoptive father died when I was 10 and my mother when I was 27.
'Now I've gained a whole new massive family. My happiness is tinged with sadness at what I've missed out on … but better late than never.'

March 8, 2009

Artist Finds Mother, and in turn, Herself


Artist finds birth mother and, in turn, herself

http://www.berkshirerecord.net/index.cfm?dsp=news.view&nid=242

By Juliane Hiam
Special to the Record

GREAT BARRINGTON — When Martha Archambault was 7 years old, she was on Martha’s Vineyard with her family and extended family for a summer vacation.

She was playing keep-away with her older brother and a cousin, when out of nowhere, the cousin let slip that Martha wasn’t really his cousin because she was adopted.

This was news to Martha, as well as her older brother, and given the impact it wound up having on her life, flew out and slapped her between the eyes with absolutely no warning.

Martha grew up in Newton, the second oldest child in the Selling family. Her parents, Irma and Ben, unable at the time to have children, adopted two children, Martha and an older boy (they are not biologically related). Then, as luck would have it, Ben and Irma found themselves able to conceive, and went on to have two more biological children.

As a result, Martha says she felt set apart and estranged from her family — and felt guilty for feeling so. She was an artist, a free spirit, a woman of quirky sentences and right brain tendencies. Her parents, she says, often described her as having “mixed up genes” and that she was “wired wrong.” She couldn’t be the college-educated rule-follower that they envisioned. Her artistic talent, her innate ability to Haiku her way through any linear thought process and her highly emotional disposition were all seen as shortcomings.

Though Martha says she “never wanted for anything,” thanks to this well-to-do adoptive family, having grown up in a multi-million dollar home, she did not feel she could be a fully-realized version of herself under their roof.

Perhaps that was the reason she yearned to find her birth mother. Not knowing whether that would ever be possible (her birth records had been sealed) and also not knowing whether finding her would bring a happy ending (would her birth mother reciprocate the desire to connect?), it lived on as an unconscious fantasy.

Until this year.

Having put her name on several on-line birth parent searches and support groups, she was alerted when the state of Maine announced that as of January 1 it was releasing birth records for babies born in the year 1964. Martha, now a 45-year-old woman with a college-age daughter, sent her $10 check and crossed her fingers.

Seventeen days later, she was holding her original birth certificate. She suddenly had names, dates, cities, birthplaces that she had spent a lifetime wondering about. Martha hemmed and hawed about how to contact a “Sara Jean Fergusson,” her birth mother, who according to the dates had only been 16 years old in 1964.

Finally, on the day of President Barack Obama’s inauguration, with the feeling of big things happening in the air, Martha picked up the phone and called.

After the years of fantasizing, waiting, and then the panic and anxiety of what sort of reaction she would be met with, it all fell into place. As if a portal to a parallel universe were opening up, Martha suddenly found out who and where she came from.

Her mother, quite speechless at first, then told her “you are always welcome here” and that she had always, always wondered about what happened to her baby girl, her only child as it turned out, that she gave up so long ago.

It wasn’t long after that Martha drove to Maine to meet her mother in the flesh, at an off-the-beaten-path diner and subsequently, at Sara Jean’s house in the small town of Whitefield.

The similarities between Martha and her mother are remarkable. Sara Jean, known as “Jean” since she and her mother were both named Sara, makes jewelry. So does Martha. Jean’s mother, Sara, made stained glass, and Martha, a painter, recently had a desire she could not explain to start painting on glass windows.

The two women dress similarly. Jean has a pet dog named Muffin, which was the name of Martha’s first pet dog as a child.

They have similar postures. Martha’s daughter, April, who turns out was born on the birthday of Jean’s mother Sara, chose the University of Maine of all the colleges in the country. April studies elementary school education, and Sara, her great-grandmother, who died just two years ago, had been an elementary school teacher for many, many years.

Martha, in telling about how she innately feels similar and connected to this woman who up until weeks ago was a stranger, smiles, bubbles, and wells up in tears.

But all the similarities, coincidences and odd parallels are punctuated by the stark differences in Martha’s upbringing and this world of the Fergussons to which she now finds herself belonging.

Jean lives next door to her brother George, a professional beekeeper. Jean, a fiercely independent, liberal political activist whose past includes involvement in the Civil Rights movement and various anti-war efforts, smokes a corncob pipe and embodies what anybody might think of as “rural Maine.” The contrast between well-to-do Jewish Newton, Mass., of Martha’s childhood and out-in-the-sticks small-town Maine where her birth mother lives couldn’t be larger.

And the contrasts are even larger for Martha, who, being the laid-back bird-loving cigarette smoking painter-flower child at heart, sees that suddenly, what she always saw in herself as bizarre character and/or personality traits are really similarities and nuances of what makes the Fergussons who they are as a clan.

This past week, sitting in her birth mother’s greenhouse, alone, Martha says she felt overwhelmed.

“My adoptive family’s home feels familiar, but Jean’s house feels like home — on a deeper level,” she explains.

She describes having a feeling that was different from anything she had ever felt — that she was “safe,” and that she, as a unique, quirky, off-beat and artistic person, “made sense.”

It’s impossible to go back in time and recapture an entire lifetime with someone. But Martha firmly believes that this was the perfect time for all this to come together, that everything seems aligned for this to happen in both their lives now. The next anticipated introduction will be of April to Jean.

“She’s so excited to meet April,” Martha says. “And Jean and I are constantly talking about wanting to make a timeline together” which would chronicle in a detailed way what was happening in each others’ lives at various points in time.

“I never felt and still don’t feel angry at my mother for giving me up for adoption,” Martha says. “I very much believe that through everything I went through in my own life, she was there with me, in some way. I didn’t know who my mother was but I always felt her in me.”

March 2, 2009

Another Blow...

Another blow to fatherhood: IVF mothers can name ANYONE as 'father' on birth certificate
By Fiona Macrae
01st March 2009

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1158322/Another-blow-fatherhood-IVF-mothers-ANYONE-father-birth-certificate.html

Family values were under attack again last night with the news that single women having IVF will be able to name anyone they like as their baby's father on the birth certificate.
New regulations mean that a mother could nominate another woman to be her child's 'father'.
The 'father' does not need to be genetically related to the baby, nor be in any sort of romantic relationship with the mother.
Critics have sounded a warning about the ability of single women who have successful IVF treatment to nominate a person as the 'father'
Critics said a woman could list her best friend on the birth certificate. The word 'father' may even be replaced with the phrase 'second parent'.
The second parent, who will have to consent to being named, will take on the legal and moral responsibilities of parenthood.
This raises the spectre of a legal minefield in which female 'fathers' will fight for visitation rights and be chased for child support payments if their fragile relationship with the mother breaks down.
The changes, due to come in on April 6, will apply to many of the women who have IVF using sperm from anonymous donors.
The regulations are part of the controversial Embryology Bill passed by Parliament last year. The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority said they will give lesbian couples in civil partnerships who undergo IVF the same rights as married heterosexual couples.

An unmarried man whose girlfriend has fertility treatment will also find it easier to claim full parental rights.

The new rules state: 'The women receiving treatment with donor sperm (or embryos created with donor sperm) can consent to any man or woman being the father or second parent.' The only exemption is close blood relatives.

Critics said the change would lead to the role of father being downgraded to the one of godfather and warned that the child would be the one to lose out.

Baroness Deech, a former chairman of the HFEA, said the practice would lead to the ' falsification of the birth certificate'.
She said: 'This is putting the rights of the parents way above those of the child. It is absurd that anyone can be named as the father or the second parent.'

Dr Trevor Stammers, a GP and lecturer in healthcare ethics, questioned the strength of the relationships or friendships between the mother and 'father'.

He said: 'There is no doubt from sociological evidence accumulated over the past few years that children do best in a two-parent married family with heterosexual couples being the married parents.

'It probably will be the child that is the loser but by the time we find that out, in 15 or 16 years, a huge amount of damage will have been done.'

Geraldine Smith, Labour MP for Morecambe, said a birth certificate should be a true record of a child's genetic heritage. She added: 'I don't think the state should collude with parents to conceal the true genetic identity.'

David Jones, a professor of bioethics, likened the role of second parent to that of godparent. He added: 'This sounds like social engineering on the hoof.'

Philippa Taylor, of Christian charity CARE, said: 'We are going to get to the point where a birth certificate is not going to be a true statement of anyone's biological heritage.'
Former Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith said a father played an essential role in the development of a child. He added: 'The present Government seems not to care a damn about families.

'Teenage pregnancy is on the increase, abortion is on the increase, family breakdown is at record levels and we have got a growing number of dysfunctional children that are the product of broken homes.

'The lesson seems to be loud and clear to me that fathers are required.'

Tory MP Ann Widdecombe said the change would destroy the 'basic nature' of a man and a woman bringing up a child together as parents.

Other critics said that Labour's family and benefit policies support and reward single parents at the expense of couples and have sidelined marriage as a lifestyle choice with no value for children.

The HFEA said it was unlikely for the actual sperm donor to be named on the birth certificate because the sample is normally obtained from a sperm bank.

It added that the welfare of the child would always come first and any person nominated as a second parent would have counselling to ensure they understood the implications.