Be Brave

© Photographer: Surkov_vladimir | Agency: Dreamstime.com

My son rode a grocery store "horsey" (kiddie ride) for the first time! 

 

He has always been a little leary but today he let me lift him up and hold him when the ride began.  Then he let out a lonnngggg LOUD scream ~ I call it his primal scream.  It is his way of "letting it all hang out" emotionally, and I'm trying hard to let him. 

It was great to see the little smile erupt across his face as he realized what fun he had been missing. What a joy as his Mom. When it stopped, I took him in my arms & gave him a big hug ~ told him how very brave he was. Another smile, and he said "I'm brave" all the way out to the car. It was heart-warming. 

I have been working with the hospital of my birth (interestingly enough, also the hospital of my son's birth, and my first Mother's ~ wow) for the past 3 years to obtain my birth records. My doctor has also requested them on 2 separate occasions, and after 3 years and receiving letters stating they had searched and not found my records, I now HAVE THEM! My footprints, my nursery notes, everything!

Everything EXCEPT for the one most important thing I need to know medically ~ WHY I was born by c-section. 

 

It was quite surreal having to squint my eyes so hard to read the faint print describing my first few days of life. One nurse noted that my "heart rate was elevated due to crying" on the day of my discharge (to an attorney of all people).  I left the hospital as a defenseless newborn with an attorney. Never really processed that before. According to one story, my adoptive parents "picked me up" at the hospital. It is strange that there was no mention of that in my records ~ just that I was discharged to an attorney. In fact, this man is still in practice.

My doctor feels both me and my son were medically at risk because of not knowing my family medical history. He was born 3 months early after I developed pre-eclampsia. She has requested my Mother's labor/delivery records to review and hopefully find out why she had to have a c-section, and can properly treat me for any subsequent pregancies I may have. 

 

Well, the hospital has now sent me the same letter stating that they have searched for my Mother's labor/delivery records and have exhausted all efforts unsuccessfully. I am very reluctant to believe her records are not there, because I also received letters to this effect SEVERAL times the past few years, pertaining to my birth records, and they STILL somehow miraculously found them.

So, I've been contemplating what my next step should be, after taking break after break from this emotionally exhausting situation. BUT TODAY I happened to be at the hospital for other business, and rode in the elevator with a lady who I noticed had an important title posted on her badge. I GOT BRAVE and stopped her right as she exited the elevator. She was very gracious and allowed me to step off with her and explain my entire situation for the millionth (it seems) time. She profusely apologized for the delays and problems I had encountered, and took my information, promising to get back with me with any information she could find. So...I left shaking, yet again, hoping that somehow my persistence would pay off. I thanked God for this divine encounter, and answering my prayers to give me hope for these records.

Honestly, my hospital records are the closest connection I have with my Mother, since she passed away while searching for me, and before I could find her. She died thinking she had given birth to a son because of what the hospital and attorney told her, after waking up from the c-section. I would like to know if my records might somehow explain the first few days or hours of our lives when we were together. Anything ~ one more nugget of information ~ helps me feel closer and able to somehow embrace her and the connection we have.

When I was first trying to get my adoption records opened, (after already obtaining my obc, finding my first family, and finding out that my first mom had already passed away, while searching for me) the court house ALSO told me that they were unable to find my records ~ sheesh. I called this same attorney to ask if there could have been some mistake, since the courthouse supposedly couldn't find record of my adoption. He asked how I was able to obtain my original birth certificate, and when I told him about the court-order, he said, "if I had done my job right, you would have NEVER been able to find anything". I was so caught off guard that I, unfortunately, could think of no clever comebacks at the time. Just my insides shaking...

Well, I'm getting stronger ~ with each new step ~ with every obstacle and every time I have to "explain" the situation over and over to some stranger ~ my voice doesn't shake anymore, and in fact, I get satisfaction with every encounter, because I know I'm educating someone about the issues of "sealed" records for adult adoptees. It's time to stop feeling uncomfortable, even if it means making others feel it for a change. Thank you, God, for helping me find my voice.

My next venture on this journey is to make a face-to-face visit with this "attorney" while he's still in practice and alive ~ when I can finally take ALL my records with me, sit down with him (hopefully) and get whatever information he can add to my story. Most importantly, does he remember anything about my Mother?

I may not be able to trust what he tells me ~ but think about it ~ adoptees are forced to decipher through second-hand "stories" of their birth, beginnings, adoption, journey ~ their entire lives. We are at the mercy of paperwork, (praying to God for truth to be written) social workers, doctors, attorneys, judges, paps, aparents, first parents & family ~ just to know who in the heck we are and what our story entails.

I've heard it said, "you can't go forward, until you know what's past." Why should I (or any adoptee) at 40 years old STILL be having to deal with this basic developmental task? Because of unethical laws and procedures surrounding the supposed "GIFT" of adoption. And then we are spoken of as ungrateful?

Adoptees have to be SO BRAVE to continue their searches amidst the hush, hush attitudes surrounding adoption. It is tough. Very tough. Searching is life-long, no matter how much we find, connect, and integrate ~ it is truly life-long and exhausting.

So please hope with me...and I'll pray for all adoptees and first moms who are searching. For success and peace and HOPE.

Societal Downfall

...about this media-fiasco of 17 girls in a MA H.S. becoming pregnant ~ I really can't comment any more than what has already been commented regarding the need for sex education among our youth.

What I'd like to comment on is this, however...ONCE a woman (whatever age, young or old) becomes pregnant, whether planned or unplanned ~ she IS a Mother. Our society's infactuation with adoption and shameful finger-pointing upon "unwed" pregnancy only serves to create harm in regards to a woman's self-esteem and how it affects her important role as a Mother.

It seems that some categories of Motherhood are not valued by our society, and that causes great harm to the sacred Mother/Child bond that begins at conception. If a mother is shamed, scorned, looked down upon, told she is not "ready" or "fit" to be a Mother, because of the circumstances or timing of her pregnancy, then she is automatically devalued as well as the miracle she carries within her very being.

Every pregnancy, every child is a miracle from God ~ no matter the circumstances surrounding their conception. And that miracle involves an inseparable symbiotic connection between the child and MOTHER. Nothing can erase the importance of this relationship and how it affects the bonding & life-long health to both of their futures ~ they are forever linked, even when that bond is somehow damaged and broken through separation.

Once a pregnancy occurs, it is NOT our job as a society to judge or criticize ANY woman ~ it is our job to immediately embrace and value the miracle of life she IS and she CARRIES. Together. The child she carries will suffer life-long consequences for the shame and break in bonding that occurs when a mother feels condemned and unworthy of being the Mother she now is. If she is made to feel "too young, too unprepared, not able to give enough, or 'redeem' herself by giving her baby the 'gift' of adoption to someone more 'capable'" ~ this only proves that our society is completely oblivious and rejecting of the sacredness of a Mother & child.

Unfortunately, our society has suffered great harm because of this. No one can even come close to finding the equation of how much harm has been done to the very fabric of our society. We need to rethink the way we deal with 'unplanned' pregnancy as a society and treat it as miraculous and valued ~ both Mother & child together.

Pregnant Mass. teen says there was no pact

One of the girls who became pregnant at Gloucester High School this year denied Tuesday there was any pact among them to have children, saying instead they decided to help each other make the best of their situations.

Lindsey Oliver rebutted the principal's claim that a sharp increase in teen pregnancies — 17 compared to a typical four — was in part because several girls planned to get pregnant so they could raise their babies together.

"There was definitely no pact," Oliver told "Good Morning America." "There was a group of girls already pregnant that decided they were going to help each other to finish school and raise their kids together. I think it was just a coincidence."

Oliver, 17, said she became pregnant by accident and that she and her 20-year-old boyfriend, Andrew Psalidas, a community college student, were using birth control.

The couple was in New York and could not be immediately reached for comment. Psalidas's father, Charles Psalidas, said his son would not talk to any other reporters because he'd made an exclusive interview agreement.

The couple appeared on the entertainment news TV show "Inside Edition" on Tuesday.

City officials have been reeling for a week since Principal Joseph Sullivan told Time magazine that girls had gotten pregnant on purpose, celebrating with high-fives and plans for baby showers when they learned in the school health clinic they were expecting.

Sullivan has not spoken publicly about his comments and has failed to respond to repeated interview requests.

Mayor Carolyn Kirk on Monday denied any pact existed.

"Any planned blood-oath bond to become pregnant — there is absolutely no evidence of," Kirk said.

Sue Todd, chief executive of Pathways for Children, which runs the high school's onsite day care center, said Tuesday there was no pact. Time magazine reported in its online edition Monday that Todd said June 13 that a social worker had heard of the girls' plans as early as last fall.

Todd denies the Time report.

"At no time have I stated to anyone that our social worker had knowledge of this. I have stated the opposite," Todd told The Associated Press. "If anyone would be aware of this pact being real it would be us because we run the program."

Time spokesman Ali Zelenko said the magazine stands by its story.

What Reunion Feels Like

Spending time with my Dad (my first father, my only living biological parent), my first grandparents, and aunts & uncles ~ feels like timidly dipping my foot into a warm, bubbly jaccuzzi and realizing how comforting, warm, and nurturing the warmth feels on my body, VERSUS being hurled naked from a second-story window into 20 degree temps, falling unprotected in a freezing pool of water below...and never forgetting it...

...always alittle on edge, vulnerable, and reluctant to really relax and enjoy...

I like the jaccuzzi. Wish I could get in more often.

"i believe..."

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we die
But experience shows that we lived!
Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.

I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
we understand that friends change.
I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over
the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache (or joy) for life.

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...
That we are responsible for what
we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe ...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe...
That my best friend and I, can do anything,
or nothing and have the best time.
I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you
when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them and less to do
with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe...
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but, we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...
That sometimes secrets, (and finding them out)
will change your life Forever.
I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, when
a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life sometimes leave too soon.
I Believe...
That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in.


'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything.

They Pray Without Ceasing

They pray without ceasing

by: MICHAEL OVERALL World Staff Writer
6/17/2008 12:00 AM

His father used to go to the nursing home every day, even on the days when he didn't feel like it, the days when he didn't really have time.

Anthony DeGance's father went anyway.

He went "because he was devoted to my grandmother," DeGance says. "He never said 'Look, son, I'm setting a good example for you.' But he was showing me what a man does when he loves someone."

DeGance now gets out of bed at 1:30 in the morning, even if he doesn't feel like it.

He drives to St. John Medical Center in the middle of the night, even when he could really use the sleep.

The harsh fluorescent lighting makes the hallway just as bright at 2 a.m. as it is at 2 p.m. The nursing staff seems just as busy. And the waiting area still looks full.

Halfway between the emergency room and the information desk, DeGance reaches a nondescript door, easily mistaken for just another office or a broom closet if not for a small sign that declares it to be the Chapel of Peace.

Inside, the altar holds a single wafer of communion bread flanked by two flickering candles. Kneeling in the front row, a man turns around and says, "Hello."

"Good morning, Patrick," DeGance responds, settling into a chair on the back row.

Finishing his prayer, Patrick Lynch soon gets up to leave DeGance alone in the dim light, the only noise coming from the air-conditioning vent.

"See you next time," DeGance tells him.

Every minute of every day for the last 25 years, somebody has been praying in this chapel.

DeGance won't leave until somebody comes to take his place an hour from now. That person won't leave until somebody else arrives.

Hour after hour, day after day, year after year — more than 230 people take turns during the week in a carefully organized schedule, making sure the prayer goes on perpetually.

DeGance has been part of it for the last 16 years.

"At first, I did it because somebody asked me to and I made a commitment," he says.

The prayers did not come naturally. The silence seemed suffocating, and the hours felt like a burden.

"But, as time went on, Jesus became more and more present to me," he says. "I realized that prayer is a conversation, and that listening in the silence is just as important as talking."

DeGance takes off his shoes and makes himself comfortable on the carpeted floor, sprawled between two rows of seats with a Bible in one hand and a rosary in the other.

"You think the people who do this are holy people, but it's not like that," he says. "Crap happens in life, and we do this because we need to — we need to come dump our burdens."

At first, the prayers continued for only a few hours a day. But by mid-fall of that year, enough volunteers had signed up to keep the prayers going around the clock, making it officially a "chapel of perpetual adoration."

Catholic sources list fewer than 2,000 chapels like it in the world, and it is even more unusual for one to be kept going entirely by laypeople.

As a Catholic, DeGance believes that Christ is truly, literally present in the consecrated bread on the altar in an elaborate golden frame, called a monstrance.

But people need not be Catholic to volunteer. And they can pray anything they choose, especially keeping in mind those who are suffering in this hospital.

The only definite rule is to show up on time and stay until someone else comes. Never break the chain. Never leave the chapel empty.

"At first, you do it because it's a commitment," DeGance says. "It's an obligation or duty."

Over time, it becomes a habit, a comfortable routine, even if your turn comes in the middle of the night.

"But eventually it turns into something else," De- Gance says. "You want to be there, because that's what you do when you love someone — you spend time with him."

Two minutes past 3 o'clock, the chapel door opens and someone else walks in to kneel and pray.

Putting his shoes on, DeGance steps back into the bright hallway, nurses rushing past, a janitor sweeping up. Looking back over his shoulder, he tells his replacement, "Good night."

"See you next time."

Adoptees Look For Their Identity

Adoptees look for their identity
Illinois bill would give better records access

http://tinyurl.com/ywh5p7

By Kristen Kridel | Tribune reporter
March 11, 2008

Former Denver Broncos fullback and adoptee Howard Griffith has spent
many holidays surrounded by his wife, children, parents and other
family. But he's never been able to shake the feeling that something
was missing.

"There's always still a sense of loneliness because you truly don't
know who you are, even though you have this support system,"
Griffith said.

On Monday morning, he stood in support of Democratic state Rep. Sara
Feigenholtz of Chicago, who is sponsoring a bill that would give
many adoptees at least 21 years old access to their original birth
certificates for the first time since Illinois sealed the records in
the 1940s.

The bill, which has been assigned to the House Adoption Reform
Committee, will be voted on Thursday, said Feigenholtz, herself an
adoptee.

"We've been deprived of our history and our identity," she
said. "Chapter 1 of everyone else's lives begins with a birth
certificate, a document I and everyone behind me are prohibited from
having."

The law would allow adoptees born before Jan. 1, 1946, to
immediately get copies of their birth certificates. Those adoptees
had access to their records until the state sealed them
retroactively.

Anyone born after Jan. 1, 1946, will have to wait to retrieve the
document until April 1, 2009, giving birth parents the opportunity
to request anonymity through the state registry, Feigenholtz said.

(Actually, this is an OLD argument ~ no where in law were 'birthparents'
given perpetual confidentiality. These "sealed records" laws were inacted
to protect the adoptive family ~ not the 'birthparent'. For example, if
a mother relinquishes her child for adoption, but for some reason the child
is never adopted, but stays in the foster care system, the child's original
birth certificate is NEVER sealed or amended. Both TN and OR State Supreme
courts have ruled that 'birthparents' are not afforded perpetual anonymity
or confidentiality by law, and that the rights of an adult adoptee to their
original birth certificate, is not a "lower right" which should be withheld
because of another's implied 'right' to confidentiality. "Birthparent
confidentiality" is a myth of the adoption industry. Birthparents did not
ask for confidentiality ~ they were given no choice by the adoption procedures
and laws ~ laws that are unjust and unethical for the product of their business ~
the adopted individual, who does not remain a child forever, but who grows into
adulthood and deserves the same respect, dignity, and right as every other citizen of our great land.)

To have their names removed from the certificate, parents have to
pay a $40 fee or fill out a medical questionnaire, said Melisha
Mitchell, executive director of an organization called White Oak
Foundation that provides post-adoption services.

Advocates of the bill are hoping the birth parents will opt to fill
out their medical history, so their children can receive vital
information, Mitchell said. If the parents do ask for anonymity, the
adoptee can go to the courts five years from that date and initiate
a search for updated medical information free of charge.
Of the about 2,000 birth parents registered in the state, only 17
have asked to remain confidential, Feigenholtz said.

(I'm sorry, but this is ludicrous ~ it doesn't give ALL adult adoptees the same right as EVERY OTHER AMERICAN CITIZEN, and leaves them with 2nd CLASS STATUS ~ compromised health and genealogical histories, dignities, and rights ~ ALL adoptees deserve this basic human right).

Mitchell, a birth mother who chose adoption for her child, said many
parents long to know that their child turned out all right.

"By the time our surrendered son and daughter reached adulthood, we
just wanted peace of mind," she said.

Feigenholtz has spent a decade championing bills aimed at making it
easier for birth parents to reconnect with the adult children for
whom they chose adoption. In 1997, she proposed legislation that
would have opened all Illinois adoption records if it had passed.

In 1999, she got a bill passed that expanded the state's adoption
registry, which allows adoptees and birth parents to document their
desire to reunite and helps them find one another.

More recently, Feigenholtz succeeded in revising a law that used to
require adoptees have a medical reason to petition courts for
information about their parents. Now they can seek the help of a
confidential intermediary for any reason.

(Oh joy ~ I long for the day that ALL adoptees can have the right to their identity "just cause" ~ without restrictions, vetos, and infantile state-mandated third-party intermediary systems ~ these relegate adult adoptees as perpetual children who are not deemed as adults with the same rights as other citizens, and who are seen as perpetual children in the eyes of the law ~ we will not stop until ALL adoptees are equal citizens in America, and grieve with the millions of us and our children who have been adversely affected by these unjust "sealed records" laws in the industry of adoption.)

WGN Radio personality Steve Cochran said supplying birth
certificates for adoptees like himself is an issue of fairness.

"It's something you ought to have because everyone else gets it," he
said.

----------

kkridel@tribune.com

"A Son Spins a Song of Reunion"

A son spins a song of reunion
When country musician David Serby goes looking for his
biological parents, he finds the root of his artistic
talent -- and a brother to boot.

By Matt Lait
Los Angeles Times Staff Writer

March 20, 2008

APACHE JUNCTION, ARIZ.

The raffle was over, the
drinks were flowing and the gray-haired crowd at VFW
Post 9399 was in a mood to party when David Serby
approached the stage.

A lanky South Pasadena singer-songwriter, Serby had
been asked to sit in with the aging house band and
play a few of his own honky-tonk numbers.

In the last few years, the 43-year-old troubadour had
gone from playing open mike nights at local
coffeehouses to kicking off a country music festival
in the Coachella Valley last spring featuring such
stars as Lucinda Williams, Emmylou Harris and Willie
Nelson. So it wasn't the venue that drew him to this
dingy hall 40 miles outside of Phoenix.

It was the man with the bad back, weak heart and bass
guitar in his hands, who Serby had recently learned
was his biological father. In the audience sat his
biological mother, as well as an aunt, an uncle and a
few other relatives that for more than 40 years Serby
never knew existed.

As he strapped on his Gibson guitar, the surreal scene
enveloped him. His quest to learn more about himself
and his passion for music was turning into an
emotional journey with consequences beyond his
control. This heartwarming get-together, he knew, was
more complicated than it seemed.

In 1962, Evie Hagle and Pete Canton were two
Midwestern teenagers trying to make it on their own in
California. Evie, a slender 5-foot, 5-inch blue-eyed
girl, worked at a clothing store and lived with a
couple of girlfriends in a North Hollywood apartment.
Pete, a 6-footer with a cleft chin and blond hair,
played guitar in a country-western band.

Though he was engaged to a woman in North Dakota, Pete
was drawn to Evie. She, likewise, adored Pete's
adventurous and rebellious attitude toward life. They
were young, carefree -- and ultimately careless.

Evie learned she was pregnant shortly after Pete
decided to move back home to marry his fiancee. When
Evie wrote him with the news, Pete panicked. He called
off his engagement, but also withdrew from Evie,
thinking he didn't want to be a husband or a father.

Evie debated raising the child on her own, but at the
urging of her mother and social workers, she gave the
baby boy up for adoption.

Weeks after the child's birth, Pete moved back to
California and reunited with Evie. Two months later,
Evie was pregnant again.

This time, Pete stayed by her side. But the outcome
would be the same. They agreed they were too young and
immature to be married, let alone be parents.

As Evie signed the forms giving their second son up
for adoption, she wept.

Where Pete and Evie were a bit free-wheeling or even
reckless, Arvene and Verna Serby were stable and
responsible. After 14 years of marriage, they were
ready to adopt, having been unable to have a child on
their own. According to adoption records, they were
overjoyed to find a son who came from the same
Norwegian stock as Arvene.

"That cinched it," he jokingly said to the social
worker finalizing the adoption.

Baby Boy Hagle became David Allan Serby.

Two years later, the Serbys moved to Illinois, with
David and his baby sister, whom the couple, to their
surprise, had conceived on their own.

Although neither Arvene nor Verna was musically
inclined, David loved music. He played violin in
elementary school and saxophone in middle school, sang
in a band in high school and taught himself the guitar
while in college.

By then, the family had moved back to California,
settling in Placentia. David married his high-school
sweetheart, followed his father into the insurance
business and bought a Spanish-style home in Highland
Park.

At age 30, though, David's comfortable life started to
crumble. His marriage ended in divorce about the same
time his father died after a prolonged fight with
colon cancer. In the sadness of those days, David
turned to music. He dusted off his guitar, which he
hadn't touched in nearly a decade, and practiced
constantly. Soon, he started writing his own songs.

David, who had known from an early age that he was
adopted, also became more interested in his biological
parents after his father's death. He wrote to the Los
Angeles County Department of Children and Family
Services for any information it might have. Under
adoption laws, the county couldn't disclose the
identities of his parents, but it could reveal other
details about their backgrounds. That information
seemed to put his interest in music into perspective.

On the maternal side: "All of the family was musically
inclined." And his biological father played guitar in
a "traveling band."

Another piece of information struck an even stronger
chord: His mother and father had had a baby boy 11
months before his birth and had also given him up for
adoption. Somewhere out there was his older brother.
Did they look alike, he wondered. What did he do? Did
he play guitar?

David struggled with what to do with this new
information for weeks, then months and ultimately
years. By this time, he had married again. His new
wife supported David's interest in music and his
desire to find his brother.

He took lessons to improve his guitar playing,
enrolled in songwriting workshops and played at bars
and coffeehouses on open mike nights. He also quit his
job as a claims adjuster, which he had come to loathe.
In just a couple of years, his playing and songwriting
were receiving more notice. He started getting regular
gigs. As he approached 40, he cut his first CD. Then a
second. Both received critical acclaim in
country-western circles.

In 2004, he contacted a private investigator who
specialized in finding the families of adopted
children. For $500, she said, she would find his
brother.

Within two weeks, she e-mailed Serby giving him his
brother's name and address. Mark, the brother, lived
less than 20 miles away in Whittier. If David intended
to contact his brother, the woman advised that he send
a note in a Hallmark greeting card envelope. It's less
likely to get tossed as junk mail, she said.

So that's what he did. In the note, he documented the
information showing that they were brothers and asked
that his brother call, if he was interested in
talking. Days later, Mark called. At first, he was
suspicious of David. Why was he making contact now?
Did he want something? As the conversation continued,
Mark, a banker, seemed to believe David was legit. But
he had a couple more questions.

What's your hairline like, Mark asked.

Not so good, David replied.

Do you drink beer?

Yes.

Maybe we're really related after all, Mark said,
laughing.

A couple of days later, Mark and his wife visited
David and his wife. Mark's experience with adoption
wasn't as pleasant as David's. His folks were less
nurturing, and his older brother a bully.

While David had no hard feelings toward his biological
parents, Mark carried a grudge. Both, however, decided
they wanted to find them.

Using information from the private investigator and
clues from the county's letter years earlier, David's
wife, Barbara, combed the Internet. Within hours, she
had located both parents: They were married to each
other and living in Arizona, just miles away from
David's adoptive mother.

David crafted another letter. As he had done with his
note to his brother, he laid out the information
showing they were related. He wanted the couple to
know that he and Mark did not mean to invade their
privacy or disrupt their lives and would honor their
decision should they not want to have contact with
them.

"Please understand that we want nothing more than the
chance to meet you," David wrote. "If I were to use an
analogy, I would say I feel like a character in a book
that was spun off into a different book after the
first chapter; I am curious to know how life turned
out for the characters in my first book."

'They found us," Evie shouted to Pete. "They found
us."

"Who found us?" Pete asked, trying to calm his wife.
"Who?"

"Our boys," she exclaimed.

The letter, which arrived just days after the couple
celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary, couldn't
have been more welcome.

The decision to put their sons up for adoption was one
they had always regretted. Ironically, they found the
maturity to get married only months after they gave
David up for adoption. As a young couple they
struggled financially. In 1966, Pete was drafted and
went to Vietnam. After he got out of the Army, he and
Evie settled in L.A. He joined a band that had steady
gigs at joints such as the Palomino Club in North
Hollywood.

They talked often about their sons. Wondered how they
were doing. Were they doctors or lawyers? Were they
punks or in jail? Did they love music?

Pete and Evie even thought about trying to find the
boys, but decided it wouldn't be fair to the families
that had adopted them. For years, they tried to have
more children to raise on their own, but Evie was
never able to get pregnant again. They saw the letter
from Mark and David as a second chance.

Evie picked up the phone. When David answered, Evie's
nervous voice cracked.

"We've been waiting for this letter all our lives,"
she said.

Weeks later, David, Mark and their wives went to
Arizona for a weekend to meet Pete and Evie. At first,
the conversation was awkward. They exchanged stories
about their lives. Evie brought out baby photos she
kept of the boys and cried as she told them about her
decision to give them up for adoption. David and Pete
bonded over their shared interest in country music.

Pete took out a scrapbook with pictures of him with
Johnny Cash, Reba McEntire and other musicians.
Staring back from one of the photos was a face David
immediately recognized.

Pete said it was the face of his friend JayDee Maness,
"the best steel guitar player in the world." David
agreed. He had recently hired Maness to do session
work on his CD.

David enjoyed the visit. He had satisfied his
curiosity about his roots. He felt invigorated in his
musical pursuits after learning about Pete's career.

But he also had the unsettling feeling that the
emotional stakes were greater than he had anticipated.
He could tell that Pete and Evie hoped for a tighter
family bond by which they could become integral parts
of their sons' lives as parents and as grandparents to
Mark's two children.

David, however, wasn't looking to replace his family
with a new one. He loved his adoptive mother and knew
that she loved him. And he knew that his quest was
causing her heartache, though she didn't say so.

David also saw that his brother had bottled up
resentment, especially toward Pete, whom he blamed for
failing to take responsibility for the boys and
allowing them to be adopted.

In a telephone call shortly after their first meeting,
Mark angrily told Pete precisely what he thought.
After he hung up the phone, a shaken Pete had a heart
attack and was rushed to the hospital.

Hours before showtime at the VFW, Pete and David
strummed guitars on the back porch of Pete and Evie's
desert home. They played Harlan Howard's "Heartache by
the Numbers" and a few other country classics. Pete
shared a couple of songs he'd written over his career.
His voice was a bit raspy from years of smoking, but
David was impressed with the lyrics and melody.

Likewise, Pete admired his son's talent. He spent
several days listening to David's CD, charting all the
chord changes for his band the Good Ol Boys.

Before meeting David, Pete had given up the guitar and
retired from music. David's emergence in his life,
however, reignited Pete's passion for playing.

His heart attack caused both parents and sons to
reevaluate their expectations. Mark became more
accepting of Pete and Evie's actions and recently grew
closer to his own adoptive father. David understands
their desire to establish a bond. And Pete and Evie
realize that building any sort of relationship with
their boys is going to take time.

Still, Pete and Evie have a hard time containing their
joy at getting to know their sons. At the VFW that
night, they made sure friends and relatives were there
to see father and son take the stage.

"I couldn't be prouder," a grinning Pete said after
the show. "I couldn't be prouder."

For David, the whole thing was an almost out-of-body
experience. He smiled and posed for pictures with
folks who embraced him like the long lost relative he
was.

Driving back to his hotel after the show, David
reflected on his search for his roots and its
unexpected consequences.

"Once you start walking down a road like this it's
hard to stop," he said. "You can't manufacture a
family out of thin air, and there is pressure to build
relationships that weren't there before."

But he doesn't regret it.

"It's mind-boggling the paths your life takes," he
said. "All of our lives could have been so different
in many ways."

http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/front/la-me-serby20mar20,1,7304673.story

matt.lait@latimes.com

Happy Father's Day

...to my faithful Father, thank you for taking such tender care of me. For being here for me, from the moment of my conception. For loving me unconditionally and restoring my soul. And thank you for these precious Words to me of your promises. I love you.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you ~ plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and don't forget His benefits. He forgives ALL my sins, and heals ALL my diseases. He redeems my life from destruction, and crowns me with lovingkindness & tender mercies. He satisfies my life with good things, and renews my youth like the eagles." Psalm 103:2-5

www.fathersloveletter.com ~ A beautiful Love Letter from God

...to my earthly Father, I love you! Thank you for loving me. I'm thankful for our reunion, so thankful.

Thank you for these words from the card you gave me recently. They are precious to me:

"There are so many gifts I want for you...
I'd like to give you the gift of wisdom, but that's something only the passing years can bring.
I'd like to give you the gift of success, but that's something that only has true value if it is earned.
I'd like to give you the gift of happiness, but the path that leads you there is one you must find on your own.
But there is one gift that I can give you today that will always be with you ~
and that's my love."

An Introduction To Your Heavenly Father...

You may not know me, but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad.

© 1999-2008 FathersLoveLetter.com



Would you like to come home?
All you need to do is to tell God that you believe Jesus died in your place to make a way for you to be reborn into His family. The following words might help you express your thoughts to God.

"Father, I'm coming home. Please make me your child. I turn from my sin and accept your forgiveness made possible through Your Son, Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. I place my faith and trust in Jesus alone to save me. Amen".

New Miss OK To Urge Open Adoption Laws

© Photographer: Tyback | Agency: Dreamstime.com
New Miss Oklahoma To Urge Open Adoption Laws

By The Associated Press

When Kelsey Cartwright's father wanted to learn about his biological parents, he learned the papers that would tell him who had put him up for adoption were sealed from his eyes.

"We worked for a few years to get it open,” Cartwright said Sunday, a day after being crowned Miss Oklahoma at the 36th annual scholarship pageant in Tulsa.

Cartwright said she will use her father's experience during her yearlong reign as she promotes open adoptions during appearances at schools and before civic groups across the state.

Cartwright, the 20-year-old daughter of William and Kelli Cartwright, said her father's search for his past was confusing and frustrating.

"You never know what to do next,” said Cartwright, of Collinsville. Oklahoma has closed adoption laws and procedural and legal barriers keep adoption records sealed — even from adopted individuals who want to know the truth about their biological parents and their own heritage, she said.

"You're stuck with that. But there are steps you can take to get your file open,” Cartwright said.

Taking steps to history
State law requires a court order before an adoptee can access their personal information including details about the adoption itself, birth certificates, medical history and identifying information about the birth parents.
After years of effort, William Cartwright secured access to his personal adoption records, Kelsey Cartwright said. They revealed that he is part American Indian and part Hispanic and that his real last name is Mendoza.

Cartwright said opening her father's adoption file "was an amazing experience for our entire family.” It strengthened her father's respect for himself and filled them both with pride, she said.

Preparing for next goal
Cartwright, a student at Oklahoma City University where she is majoring in dance management, said she will start delivering her message about open adoptions when she begins making personal appearances in September.
Until then, she said she will begin preparing herself for her next goal — winning the Miss America pageant in January.

"I'm going in there for the crown,” she said. "I'm ready to finish what we started.”

Cartwright, who qualified for the Miss Oklahoma pageant as Miss Keystone Lake and received a $16,000 scholarship for winning, said she hopes to join a growing list of Miss Oklahomas who have gone on to become Miss America.

In 2006, Jennifer Berry of Tulsa won the pageant in the first of back-to-back wins by Miss Oklahomas. Berry was succeeded in 2007 by former Miss Oklahoma Lauren Nelson of Lawton.

"I am so honored to be representing the state. I'm going to put my best foot forward,” she said. "I hope I can make a great impact on all of our students and the people of Oklahoma.”

(* You can "click" on the title of this post above to read the entire article in the Daily Oklahoman, as well as "comments") Here's mine:

"As an adult adoptee I am glad to see Miss OK speak to such an important issue for so many Americans. Only six U.S. States have passed legislation which unconditionally restores adult adoptees with the same right as other citizens to their original birth certificate. Adult adoptees are the only US citizens who do not have the right to their own genealogical, medical histories, identity, and birth information. As Kelsey experienced, this issue not only affects adoptees, but also their children and grandchildren. Even "open adoption" does not restore the rights of adult adoptees to their original birth certificates. There are no laws which guarantee that a so-called "open adoption" remains opened, and every adoption is "sealed" in court, regardless if it is considered "open" or "closed" at the time of finalization. The only thing that will guarantee ALL adult adoptees the right to their heritage and identity, is for laws to be passed which allow ALL adoptees unconditional access to their original birth certificate. The American Adoption Congress has updated information & statistics regarding this important subject. Thank you, Kelsey, for bringing attention to such an important issue."

On Being a Mother & Adoptee

© Photographer: Qwasyx | Agency: Dreamstime.com
On being a Mother, as well as an adoptee....it has been the most gut-wrenching thing I've ever done. To allow myself the risk of loving beyond reason, because I have no other choice ~ my child is part of me, and I him. For always.

My son is the first and only blood kin that I have the priviledge of having a "normal" family relationship with ~ and it is Heaven. Just the smell of his hair is enough to awaken my heart.

I never loved myself until I loved him and realized the identity and connection that generations bring to an individual. I would say that I "loved" but I didn't know that depth because it was foreign. It hurts to love. Because it could mean losing. And to an adoptee it is like death, from day one, for us, to love. Because we lost everything.

Search is about restoration. Of as much as possible. Our identity, our blood line, our relatives, family, self-understanding, and emotional congruance. Not to mention Love.

It is late and I probably don't make much sense ~ trying to describe something that is beyond words.

Why June 5th Means So Much To Me

© Photographer: Davidpark | Agency: Dreamstime.com
Well, first of all, today is my good friend (and fellow adoptee), Chris' Birthday. I have had the priviledge of knowing him from the beginning of his "search" and have actually met his first Mother now! It is a blessing to see them so happy to have found one another, finally! Happy Birthday, Chris!

On a more somber note...

On this date, 40 yrs ago, Robert F. Kennedy was murdered. I never really thought about it growing up, because I was actually less than a month old when it happened. But looking back, 1968 was so full of history, and such a pivotal time for all Americans ~ young and old alike.

One of the first things my Uncle Ron told me was how my Mother, Norma Carol, literally cried for days when hearing of the assassination. At first it didn't click, but when the initial shock and awe numbness of reunion began to wear off enough for me to actually think logically and begin to piece together the events, I suddenly realized that my Mother had given birth and given me up for adoption just a few short days before this (other) tragic event.

Even in the 60's when out-of-wedlock birth was "hush, hush" and mothers were told to "forget", my Mother was grieving. She started searching for me in the late-70's before I even reached adolescence, contacting the ALMA Organization for support. I began searching for her in my early 20's but even at that young age, it was too late. She passed away before we could make the connection. The re-connection.

I found some wonderful quotes from Robert F. Kennedy and just wanted to share them here. I watch the old black and white footage and think of my Mother and the Summer of '68 when we were both crying ~ apart.


"The future does not belong to those who are content with today, apathetic toward common problems and their fellow man alike, timid and fearful in the face of bold projects and new ideas. Rather, it will belong to those who can blend passion, reason and courage in a personal commitment to the great enterprises and ideals of American society."
-- Robert F. Kennedy

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
-- Robert F. Kennedy

"Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation."
-- Robert F. Kennedy

"Some people see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not?"
-- Robert F. Kennedy

"Independent Adoption Center" ~ Just One Example of Many

© Photographer: Ruslanchik | Agency: Dreamstime.com
It seems obvious to me ~ this "ad" below (you can link directly to their website by "clicking" the title to this post, above), is just another way to 'get babies' ~ no doubt.

When should it be legal or "ethical" for the "business" of adoption to be the same "professionals" who provide "counseling" ~ never. When should it be legal to raise money for "advertisements" or "recruit" mothers to give up their babies? Never.

Why should money be raised & spent for increasing the number of babies "available" for adoption? I thought we were trying to find homes for children that need them? ~ Not create MORE children that need them. But that is exactly what agencies like this do ~ for their true customers ~ the potential adoptive parents.

Adoption agencies run a "business" ~ pure & simple. Adoptees are the products. You can't really enforce "ethics" in a business that deals in humans as their product. It is an unethical business in the first place. In the name of "charity" and "saving babies" they are serving a population of would-be adoptive parents (customers) who drive the decisions being made because of the laws which allow it ~ unregulated.

So we end up calling the darkness "light", which is extremely dangerous. For the mothers and children they say they serve.

Everyone knows that just because an agency is "non-profit" doesn't mean it is not money-driven, supply-demand driven, and certainly can't claim to be the "experts" in adoption ~ no adoption professional can. The "experts" are the products of the industry who are still fighting just to have the same human right as those professionals ~ their own birth certificate. The same "professionals" who "testify" against this right. What is wrong with this picture? Everything.

"IAC Announces Major Fundraising Drive
In Support of Birthparent Advocacy Campaign"


"(May 2008) Ann Wrixon, the Independent Adoption Center's executive director, announced the launch of a major fundraising drive in support of the most ambitious birthparent advocacy campaign that IAC has ever undertaken. The campaign is designed to increase the number of young adults who, when experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, are: empowered in their decision-making process, aware of open adoption as one of their choices, and, should they choose to place their child for adoption, will consider open adoption and IAC.

The campaign was developed to address the fact that the vast majority of women who experience an unplanned pregnancy are unaware of adoption as one of their choices and are unaware that research continues to confirm that open adoption is the healthiest form of adoption. The campaign will reach its target audience through a highly informative, network quality television commercial that will be produced by Zystar Films, an award-winning, LA-based, television production company. The total cost of the campaign is $280,000, which includes $80,000 to produce the ad and $100,000, each of the first two years, to purchase television broadcast time, nationally. Funds are being raised through individual donations, corporations, and foundations.

"Child Trader"

© Photographer: Crysrob | Agency: Dreamstime.com
Here's a website for "ChildTrader.com" ~ (hopefully) a satire.... (click on the title to this post to go directly to the website).

http://childtrader.com/

My point is...adoption is really not much different than this. Think about it.

Adoptive parents even have an "underground" child-trading business (in real life), when adoption's "dissolve" for one reason or the other. Bill Pierce's "Forever Family" sentiment is far from reality in the true reality "show" of adoption.